Cynthia M. Sabotka

Buddha vs. Jesus

2011-08-06T22:04:00.000-07:00

1. Jesus is God. (John 1:1, 20, 20:28) Buddha was a man.

2. Buddha was created by Jesus. (John 1:3, John 1:10)

3. Jesus came to save us. (John 3:16; 4:24) Buddha left his wife and child.

4. Jesus brought salvation (John 3:36; 11:35). Buddha brought religion.

5. Jesus was the only way for salvation (John 14:6). Buddha taught that eights steps were necessary for salvation or "Nirvana".

6. Jesus commanded us to be born again (John 3:3-5), Buddha taught reincarnation.

7. Jesus lives in heaven (John 14:1-3) Buddha taught that heaven was not real.

8. Jesus taught that hell was indeed real and eternal punishment for those who reject Him (John 3:18). Buddha taught that hell was not real and karma.

9. Jesus is Truth (John 14:6). Buddha taught Four Nobel Truths.

10. Jesus rose from the dead and proved He is God. There were over 500 witnesses recorded in history (John 20). Buddhas is dead in his grave.

11. Jesus was born in a stable for animals. He was a working man. He died the death of a criminal, crucifixion, a death only for slaves and the lowest of society. He was poor. He was never sheltered from poverty or the world. Buddha was born a prince. He was sheltered from all forms of misery of the world. He had all of life's pleasures. He was shielded from sickness, decrepitude, and death.

12. Jesus preached the reality of sin, the nature of God the Father, and the need for repentance and salvation. Buddha denies the ultimate existence of sin and the necessity of grace.

13. Jesus taught that God wishes to share his divine life, given through the Son by the power of the Holy Spirit. Buddha taught individuality must perish and everything is one.

14. Christ established a Church, with a structure of authority based on his words and example. He said, "Follow me!" Buddha left a teaching in which each person must find his own path.

15. Christ rose from the dead only once and will return as King of Kings. He revealed his own divinity, saying, "Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am" (John 8:58). Buddha suggests that "there is no 'I'; there is no 'self'. At his death, when he experienced pari-nirvana (final extinction) he stated that the question of the afterlife was "Not conductive to edification"

16. Jesus paid the price in human flesh for the sin of mankind. Jesus is Lord-the incarnation of God Himself. Buddha is a teacher and his followers are students.

17. Christianity recognized the reality of sin and that we cannot save ourselves. Buddha believes in self-reliance, self-discipline and individual striving. Pretending sin doesn't exist does not make it go away.

18. There is only one God, one Jesus, one Holy Spirit. In Buddhism teaching, anyone can become a Buddha (a supreme enlightened being) in due course if one practices diligently and attains purity of mind (No delusions, no afflictions).

19. Christians do not disconnect from the world. Buddhism teaches to disconnect.

20. The Bible believes that what you sow that you shall reap also. Sin in the world is the result of greed, selfishness, and people preying on one another. Buddhism believes in Karma: fate, predestination, inequality of mankind. Cause and effect, your genetic inheritance, plus previous experiences along with current experiences and choice explain what and where you are today, Karma.

21. The Bible says man is appointed to live once and then comes judgement. Buddha taught enlightenment. If you don't get it you are up for re-birth.

22. Jesus taught to do good to others. Put your faith into action. Buddhism says one must not be attached to good deeds or the idea of doing good, otherwise it is just another form of craving.

23. Man is the pinnacle of God's creation formed on the 6th day of creation. Christianity teaches that we should take care of animals and other aspects of creation. They are not sentient beings. Buddha teaches bad animals will be re-born.

24. Jesus crucifixion was prophesied over 1000 years before he was born. It hadn't even been invented yet. 48 prophesies are in the Bible having to do with Jesus. Peter Stoner in Science Speaks shows that coincidence is ruled out by the science of probability. "We find that the chance that any man might have lived down to the present time and fulfilled all eight prophecies is 1 in 10/17 (ten to the 17 power). 48 prophesies would be 1 in 10/157 (or 1 in 100,000,000,000,000, 157 times)

The estimated number of electrons in the universe is around 10 to the 79 power. It should be quite evident that Jesus did not fulfill the prophecies by accident. He was the all knowing, all mighty, ever present God of Creation and exists in the triune of God. Buddha was only a teacher of philosophy.

Time Vs. Eternity

2011-06-21T21:46:00.000-07:00

Today my husband and I talked about genetic oranges. Weird eh? Well, not so. Though I have taken myself out of this world--no news, television, newspapers or magazines--the world continues without me.

In the past, I haven't cared much about genetic engineering however I walk on a new path in Christ and I wonder "what would Jesus do?" It is true, scientists have been genetically altering our livestock and plants for decades but I wonder if this is of God or of evil?

My husband first noticed genetic engineering with chickens about fifteen years ago. First we would laugh at the size of the "pic of chick" in the grocery case then it wasn't funny any more. Today scientists alter orange juice, livestock, and have patents and create seeds in the lab. Remember when farmers were in charge of our food stuffs? God created the plants, plants formed seeds and farmers became their shepherds. My gut tells me in the beginning those who cultivated the land did so because their devotion to God and their love for their work.

Remember on that day in the Garden of Eden when everything was unadulterated? Biblically, genetic engineering was of God and not of mankind. In Genesis, God created everything man would ever need and God's creations were perfect. Today man genetically alters himself, his food, and his animals and does so without reverence or conscience.

Have you ever heard of a Liger or a Tigron? Ligers are crossbreeds between a male lion and a female tiger. Tigron? A cross between a male tiger and a female lion. How about wolf dogs? Iron Age Pigs? I.A. Pigs are hybrids between pigs and wild boar and have become the specialist of the meat trade. A Zebroid or Zorse is the result of crossbreeding a horse and a zebra. A zonkey? ... well the list goes on and on.

So when is cross breeding bad?
Always.

Ever see a bull so large that they can hardly walk? Bigger, better, more ... for hunting purposes? Like the idea of eating a turkey at Thanksgiving? Did you know that the breast on some brands are larger but so extreme that their chest is too heavy for the turkey to lift and they can't stand up in their cages? What is the ultimate price for more more more? Once I thought vegetarians and vegans were obsessive and compulsive but now I get their picture. Vegetarians around the world are seriously wondering whether the food they are eating is actually vegetarian. In the case of GM (genetically modified) products, Flavor Savr as they are usually called, tomatoes are genetically altered by introducing into them genes from a fish, the Arctic Flounder, so as to reduce freezer damage, to enable them to have a longer shelf-life, to ripen longer on the tree while remaining firm at the time of picking and transporting and to make them bigger and tastier as well. No layman can make out the difference between Flavor Savr and a normal tomato which is primarily why staunch vegetarians want the altered tomatoes labeled. What about vegetables with chicken genes introduced into potatoes for resistance to disease and for increasing shelf-life and size, or tobacco altered with mouse genes to reduce impurities or with a gene from fire-flies that makes the leaves glow at night?

I write this today by a driving spirit that recognizes how far we have walked away from God's word and our own history. It is said that science has been progressing in leaps and bounds through the exploitation of animals by allowing humans to move genes from one specie to another to create another totally different specie. The question remains: what was God's original intention and are we acting as responsible stewards of His creations? Though scientists claim they can, and will make genetically-altered animals that will help cure human diseases and illnesses (transgenic research has been going on for nearly 20 years) to date, they have not one single cure for a human illness.

The bible tells our God is all-powerful "For with God nothing will be impossible" Luke 1:37. The author of all life is God and according to the first chapter of the Book of Genesis, "He created every species to reproduce after its own kind." Thus, there is no room in God’s creation for man to step in and start modifying DNA by cross transplanting the genes from one organism or species into the DNA of another. In essence, man is now creating species variants that God never intended to exist. Such alteration of species specificity is a serious violation of God’s natural order and I believe it to be a corruption of life and an abomination unto the LORD.

“And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon earth: and it was so. And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.” (Genesis 1:11-12).

I believe it is not of mankind to upstage God's perfect plan and modify through dark science his genetic codes. “Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gen- der with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.” (Leviticus 19:19). If you don’t think food is a critical issue in the eyes of God, let me remind you that it was the consumption of a forbidden food in the Garden of Eden that led to the fall of man. Adam and Eve broke God’s very first commandment and ate proscribed food from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Do you really think Satan would forego a strategy that worked so well for him back in the beginning?

And another parable put he forth unto them, saying, "The kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field: But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way. But when the blade was
sprung up, and brought forth fruit, then appeared the tares also. So the servants of the householder came and said unto him, Sir, did not thou sow good seed in thy field? From whence then hath it tares? He said unto them, An enemy has done this. The servants said unto him, Wilt thou then that we go and gather them up? But he said, Nay; lest while ye gather up the tares, ye root up also the wheat with them. Let them both grow together until the harvest: and in the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the wheat into my barn.’” (Matthew 13:24-30). For those of you who don’t know what tares are, they are the next best comparison to a genetically engineered version of wheat. Tares are a counterfeit form of wheat (a weed that looks like young wheat). They look exactly like wheat and when they are growing side by side next to good wheat there is no way to tell the difference until they reach harvest time. When tares reach their peak they turn black on the top, the grain is not edible, and their seeds in many cases cannot be replanted. (www.healthtruthrevealed.com).

Slowly ... indoctrination by the evil one. "And every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.” 1 John 4:3. I wonder, are we so deaf dumb and blind that we cannot see evil manipulation when it presents itself to us?

Our responsibility as believers is to purge for the truth.

The answers lies in you.

Understanding Travail and Intercessory Prayer

2011-06-14T20:26:00.000-07:00

What is Travailing? "Pray without ceasing" ... (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Travailing is a crossing over from the natural into the presence of God. Travailing births the will of God onto the earth. God wants to birth through us and only through intimacy with God and through a willingness to allow Him to use us in travail. I once believed that this sensation was from an indwelling of Holy Spirit alone. When Paul uses the term “travail”, he is not using a term to describe what happens to us physically. This term is used to describe what is happening spiritually – that something new is being birthed truly. When you think of spiritual travail, don’t think of the flesh, of the physical happenings. Too often, no one thinks of what’s happening in the Spirit.

What is an intercessor? An Intercessor prays for others.

Jesus Travailed. He had the fullness of the Holy Spirit. If we are baptized in the Holy Spirit, we have the potential of letting Him do anything He pleases through us, according to His will. We don't have to let Him do what He wants. We must be willing. The agonizing they speak of is "travail," as in childbirth, the very thing Paul talked about, "travail …until Christ be formed in you." Understand that through intercession and travail (giving birth) something will come to pass that will never come to pass any other way.

Take His Heart to the World Ministries explains: "During prayer my stomach would tighten and there would be a pushing, a pressure, with extreme tightening of the muscles, like a woman giving birth. All I could do was groan within myself when this event took place. This would happen, over and over, just like a woman having a baby. Sometimes it would be severe and sometimes not so severe. More than once in my life I've had enough pressure build that I thought the vein in my neck would burst. No one can make Spiritual travail happen; it is introduced at the will of the Holy Spirit because, the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. The Spirit of God is interceding, not us! It is the Spirit of God bringing life to God's will, what has already been ordained, or spoken by God. I have experienced travail (groanings from the tightening of the muscles) coming on me not only in prayer meetings but also at odd times and places, such as before and during church meetings, on the streets, and during conversations with people. I have travailed for other people. I believe I've travailed for myself. I rarely know what I'm travailing about. This fits, for we know not what we should pray for as we ought.

If you are an intercessor and God uses you in travail, you've probably had the same problem I have had of knowing what to do when it comes. The following not only gives a pattern to follow in the church but paints a picture of the whole situation concerning the lack of understanding about spiritual intercession. Travail in the natural parallels travail in the spiritual! At times in church I've left and gone to other rooms and sometimes I've stayed, trying not to be conspicuous. A lot of times the travail is for myself or for the service. We need it because it changes things, whatever it is about. So, how should we handle travail in public places?

All this applies to unlearned Christians being brought into a spiritual travail situation. Understand, "baby Christian," or "mature Christian," refers to education and maturity in the things of God. It has nothing to do with time (how long they have been a Christian) or whether they have the baptism of the Holy Spirit or not. There are people who were baptized in the Holy Spirit years ago who don't know any more about spiritual things than the day they were baptized.

In the natural one never knows the moment the pains of birth will come. Usually, when this starts, the mother is taken out of the public eye, to a hospital, or into seclusion somewhere. We don't allow babies to be born in public unless there is no other way.

In the church, a spiritual birth should be handled the same way. The problem is that, in the natural, the birth will occur no matter what, but a spiritual birth can be shut down because of simply being in a public place. Cut off by misunderstanding of what's really happening.

Once I was with a world-known evangelist who thought a particular person in travail was of the devil and he attempted to cast an evil spirit out of her, an intercessor. Nothing happened except that the intercession was stopped. The person being prayed for was the loser. Yes, there is a false "birthing and travail." In those instances one needs discernment but that's not cause for "unrighteous judgements." The enemy uses the lack of knowledge in Christians to stop what God is doing. Travail is not barking like dogs or mimicking the actions of an animal. Travail in the spirit is what the Bible says it is, actions that parallel natural birthing actions. I've seen people produce groans and moans, thinking they are in travail.

The Bible says, "...the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered." "Which cannot be uttered" is important here. This has to do with the contractions and pressures of birth deep within the intercessor, which during the contraction, groanings cannot be uttered. The holding of the breath, and the movement deep within that comes from pushing, is what the Bible is talking about. Basically, groans from the voice box mean nothing but they can come, during and after the contractions take place, as the person's way of dealing with the situation, just like in natural births. I'm not starting a new doctrine here; I'm just revealing something of the Holy Spirit. Paul travailed for people, and Jesus groaned within Himself before He raised Lazarath from the dead. God is the one who knows what needs to happen in our lives. I was delivered from the spirit of anger sovereignly by God, without the name of Jesus and without travail, as far as I know. I've been healed and delivered in the name of Jesus, without travail, so it's not a fix all. But sometimes there is need for travail, as you can see from my testimony. The prayer of agreement in the name of the Lord didn't produce my deliverance from the spirit of fear.

If travail comes, allow it to function, and then learn. Don't beat it with the whipping stick of ignorance. Nurture it and let God reveal right and wrong. God never does anything without a purpose, so if the Holy Spirit brings travail into the picture, it must needs be! Most Christians have experienced this without ever realizing it was a work of the Holy Spirit. At their conversion they sometimes wept and cried, grieved over their sins. Then later they got a burden for the salvation and deliverance of others, and cried over them also. This is known as travailing prayer. When we have a burden for others and become sorrowful over them, it is usually the Holy Spirit crying through us over the situation."

I have come to know the gift of Travailing as liquid prayer because there are almost never words, no petitions, no pleadings, no claiming or declaring. Instead there is strong emotion poured out in weeping, wailing and/or groaning. When travailing comes to a person, it totally bypasses their mind and intellect. It is as if God pours into a willing partner his own emotions about an issue so they then become a point of contact on the earth for God's will to be worked through. The one who has experienced travail has experienced a deep connection to God's heart. That one has felt what God feels and knows that he is a God of very intense emotions.

God and the Importance of Forgiveness

2011-06-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

The importance of forgiveness cannot be understated. The following is a letter I sent to a young man struggling with the forces of good and evil:

Dear Chris:

I want to commend you on your strength to write on you blog BEING BIPOLAR, Part 5: God and Mental Illness. Thank you.

Is the Knight Shift defending the faith? through His armor?

I share with you the spectrum illness Bipolar but not the physical violations you encountered.

Please consider the following for thought and complementation. Forgiveness is about you and the heart of you.

The horrid violation upon you created wounds Chris and it is because of these wounds that forgiveness cannot be met. Though we resist reconciliation (fence-mending), God promises to replace your "stoney" heart with one of flesh. Eze 36:26 NIV). A heart of stone is a defensive wall we build around our hearts. A heart of stone prevents us from opening our spirit to be vulnerable because it hurts too much. Our hearts of stone worsen with each wound but each wound can be healed by the glory light of Jesus (re: http://www.expectedendministries. com)

I have written a book on my bipolar disorder, the violations of my family mentally and on spirit and soul. But after full conversion, this is what works for me. I surrender (verbally) to our Savior many times a day. Doing this takes me out of the pain of our relationships and reminds me that without a detachment from this world (dead to self) I cannot be of Him. Scripture says in John 15:19: "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."

I have been taught that repentance is most important for our salvation. Recognizing the ill in others is a knee jerk reaction to our pain. I know when my thoughts are on the vein of Jesus they are kind and thoughtful. Any others, not so. When I repent I ask for strength to have forgiveness. I begin with a prayer that our God will show me how to forgive myself and expose to me the wounds of my heart. I ask for the courage to forgive others. We are all made up of wounds and it is because of this that the evil attaches to us. It is not by accident that evil occurs 613 times in the KJV of the Bible. Evil manifests itself on the believer by violating his thoughts. In many ways evil keeps us from the truth of God by tearing into our wounds. As you described so well, you were taken by the Spirit of rebellion for many years after this terrible invasion that was destined to destroy you. Your spirit however was strong enough to eventually overcome some of your experience however you cannot be a little pregnant.

Remember Chris, each time you let evil violate you, you are being violated by that man over and over again. There is no distinction between the acts of violation when it is in the spirit. It is all bad. And of course, that is the principal location of the pain.

I will pray for you Chris. I pray that you will come to know the truth of forgiveness which will bring to you to a joy of God you cannot receive anywhere else. There is an opportunity for healing for that man and for yourself through intercessory repentance and intercessory prayer. Intercessory repentance IR provides a powerful way of ministering those who cannot be reached in any other way. It avoids confrontation on a human level, but is a very powerful way to confront the enemy on a spiritual level. Though IR is not possible unless there is a true forgiveness in our own hearts. Remember Chris, the Lord took this burden from you with the spilling of his blood on Calvary. Letting go is most difficult but if you are obedient, the act of forgiving grace will release you from the inner turmoil that influences. http://www.sw-mins.org/Intercessory%20Repentance.htm.

Coming to Jesus has taken me out of the past, out of the pain and out of the darkness of my first book.

There is freedom in surrender Chris, I tell you the truth

In His Name,

Cynthia M. Sabotka
Open Spaces Ministry
http://www.LifeIsLikeALine.com

100 Things the Bible Says About Me

2011-05-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

100 Things the Bible Says About Me

Ever wonder what God thinks about you? Or what your role as His child is? Here are 100 things straight from the Bible to answers your questions.

1. God has expressed His kindness to me (Eph 2:7)
2. God's power works through me (Eph 3:7)
3. I am a citizen of heaven (Php 3:20)
4. I am a dwelling for the Holy Spirit (Eph 2:22)
5. I am a holy temple (Eph 2:21; 1Co 6:19)
6. I am a light in the world (Mt 5:14)
7. I am a light to others, and can exhibit goodness, righteousness and truth (Eph 5:8-9)
8. I am a member of Christ's Body (1Co 12:27)
9. I am a member of God's household (Eph 2:19)
10. I am a minister of reconciliation (2Co 5:17-20)
11. I am a new creation (2Co 5:17)
12. I am a personal witness of Jesus Christ (Ac 1:8)
13. I am a saint (Eph 1:18)
14. I am adopted as his child (Eph 1:5)
15. I am alive with Christ (Eph 2:5)
16. I am assured all things work together for good (Ro 8:28)
17. I am blameless (ICo 1:8)
18. I am blessed in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing (Eph 1:3)
19. I am born again (IPe 1:23)
20. I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me (1Jn 5:18)
21. I am chosen and dearly loved (Col3:12)
22. I am chosen before the creation of the world (Eph 1:4, 11)
23. I am Christ's friend (Jn 15:15)
24. I am completed by God (Eph 3:19)
25. I am confident that God will perfect the work He has begun in me (Php 1:6)
26. I am crucified with Christ (Gal 2:20)
27. I am dead to sin (Ro 1:12)
28. I am delivered (Col1:13)
29. I am faithful (Eph 1:1)
30. I am forgiven (Eph 1:8; Col1:14)
31. I am given God's glorious grace lavishly and without restriction (Eph 1:5,8)
32. I am God's child (Jn 1:12)
33. I am God's coworker (2Co 6:1)
34. I am God's workmanship (Eph 2:10)
35. I am growing (Col 2:7)
36. I am healed from sin (IPe 2:24)
37. I am hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3)
38. I am His disciple (Jn 13:15)
39. I am holy and blameless (Eph 1:4)
40. I am in Him (Eph 1:7; 1Co 1:30)
41. I am included (Eph 1:13)
42. I am more than a conqueror (Ro 8:37)
43. I am no longer condemned (Ro 8:1, 2)
44. I am not alone (Heb 13:5)
45. I am not helpless (Php 4:13)
46. I am not in want (Php 4:19)
47. I am overcoming (IJn 4:4)
48. I am part of God's kingdom (Rev 1:6)
49. I am persevering (Php 3:14)
50. I am prayed for by Jesus Christ (Jn 17:20-23)
51. I am promised a full life (Jn 10:10)
52. I am promised eternal life (Jn 6:47)
53. I am protected (Jn 10:28)
54. I am qualified to share in His inheritance (Col1:12)
55. I am raised up with Christ (Eph 2:6; Col2:12)
56. I am redeemed from the curse of the Law (Gal 3:13)
57. I am safe (IJn 5:18)
58. I am salt and light of the earth (Mt 5:13-14)
59. I am sealed with the promised Holy Spirit (Eph 1:13)
60. I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph 2:6)
61. I am secure (Eph 2:20)
62. I am set free (Ro 8:2; Jn 8:32)
63. I am the righteousness of God (2Co 5:21)
64. I am united with other believers (Jn 17:20-23)
65. I am victorious (1Co 15:57)
66. I am victorious (IJn 5:4)
67. I belong to God (1Co 6:20)
68. I can approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph 3:12)
69. I can be certain of God's truths and the lifestyle which He has called me to (Eph 4:17)
70. I can be humble, gentle, patient and lovingly tolerant of others (Eph 4:2)
71. I can be kind and compassionate to others (Eph 4:32)
72. I can be strong (Eph 6:10)
73. I can bring glory to God (Eph 3:21)
74. I can forgive others (Eph 4:32)
75. I can give thanks for everything (Eph 5:20)
76. I can grasp how wide, long, high and deep Christ's love is (Eph 3:18)
77. I can have a new attitude and a new lifestyle (Eph 4:21-32)
78. I can honor God through marriage (Eph 5:22-33)
79. I can mature spiritually (Eph 4:15)
80. I can parent my children with composure (Eph 6:4)
81. I can stand firm in the day of evil (Eph 6:13)
82. I can understand what God's will is (Eph 5:17)
83. I don't have to always have my own agenda (Eph 5:21)
84. I have access to the Father (Eph 2:18)
85. I have been brought near to God through Christ's blood (Eph 2:13)
86. I have been called (Eph 4:1; 2Ti 1:9)
87. I have been chosen and God desires me to bear fruit (Jn 15:1,5)
88. I have been established, anointed and sealed by God (2Co 1:21-22)
89. I have been justified (Ro 5:1)
90. I have been shown the incomparable riches of God's grace (Eph 2:7)
91. I have God's power (Eph 6:10)
92. I have hope (Eph 1:12)
93. I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-discipline (2Ti 1:7)
94. I have peace (Eph 2:14)
95. I have purpose (Eph 1:9 & 3:11)
96. I have redemption (Eph 1:8)
97. I know there is a purpose for my sufferings (Eph 3:13)
98. I possess the mind of Christ (ICo 2:16)
99. I share in the promise of Christ Jesus (Eph 3:6)
100. My heart and mind is protected with God's peace (Php 4:7)

Thank you Nancy (teachingsundayschool-blogspot)

Fallen

2011-05-16T06:31:00.000-07:00

Holy Spirit has fallen on me hard ...

"Call me, cry to me, love me, seek me, want me, need me, show me, trust me, touch me, cry with me, have me, laugh with me" ... then

"Be still and know that I am God"
(Psalm 46:10)

... and through Him I have hope. He is God, He is here, and he assures ...

"I will call for you, cry for you, love you, seek you, carry you, teach you, give you, need you, trust you, like you, love you, take you, save you, raise you" "I am your light, I am your hope, I am your every desire, I am your armor, I am your joy, I am your truth, I am your way, I am your salvation, I am your eternity..."

"Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.
(Romans 5: 5)

Prayer, Praise and Healing

2011-05-08T05:52:00.000-07:00

Hallelujah Lord, you are gracious
You have reined your love upon me and made me whole
A promise and a promise never to efface

Thinking I had given all I could
And more than I could take
Afraid that I would break
You filled me with your manna and your living water
To sustain a weeping heart

You are the King of the Universe
I sing your praises
You are the King of Salvation
For all my days

Hallelujah Lord Jesus, you are gracious
You have reined you love upon me and made me whole
A promise and a promise never to erase

* Dedicated to my God who has given me life after death. Strength in trials. He has given me the one thing psychiatric pharmaceuticals could never deliver ... freedom in surrender.

Demons and Mental Illness

2011-05-05T14:47:00.000-07:00

What do you think?

Coming against demonic principalities as in Ephesians 6:12
Overcoming the Demonic King Agag
Scripture Strategy Against the Demonic King Agag

CAUTION: DO NOT BECOME A NEEDLESS CASUALTY OF WAR
   1. Cleanse your heart and keep it clean BEFORE you come against demonic powers.
   2. Always remember to pray warfare prayers in AGREEMENT with other believers.
   3. PRAY IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST OUR SAVIOR AND MASTER.

Eph 6:12 says that our struggle is against rulers or principalities, against the powers, against world forces or master demonic spirits of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places or the second heaven.

Today we are coming against demonic King Agag who is over witchcraft and causes some mental disorders, bipolar, epilepsy, rebellion, stubbornness and causes some of your wayward children to have extreme behavior changes.

Mark 9:25-26 He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "Deaf and dumb spirit,
I command you, come out of him and enter him no more!" 26 Then the spirit
cried out, convulsed him greatly, and came out of him. NKJV

Even though King Saul had cleansed the land of witchcraft in 1 Sam. 28:7, we see a major change in King Saul after he sent for the medium in En Dor. Afterwards, King Saul was different; he would ask David to play worship music one hour, threw a spear at David the next and was loving David as a son at other times. 1 Samuel 18:10 says an evil spirit came upon Saul and he raved madly in his house. 1 Samuel 15 describes King Agag of the Amalekites (whom Saul did not totally destroy as God commanded.) Saul came under the power of King Agag and the spirit of his kingdom, rebellion as the sin of witchcraft.

Witchcraft bewitches your mind and we see that Saul raved madly. Saul had put all the witches, spiritists and mediums out of his land but then he was inquiring of a medium just 4 verses later. Witchcraft drove him to seek out the advise of a medium. Rebellion against God's will can and will open the door for witchcraft and bipolar. A high percentage of inmates are bipolar – 6 times higher – so they self medicate with street drugs and alcohol. They have those symptoms until they are delivered of the spirit of witchcraft and rebellion in 1 Samuel 15. Once they stop rebelling, bipolar goes. Once you unite in prayers of agreement to break the power of demonic king Agag and all associated demons, mental torment, many mental disorders, bipolar, epilepsy and many forms of rebellion and stubbornness will go too. Col 2:15 Having disarmed principalities and powers, He [Jesus Christ] made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it. NKJV

Declare with this Audio and in the power of agreement with 175 nations. (Three verses were added at the beginning; the rest will align with the audio.)

IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST, OUR LORD AND MASTER:

WE HUMBLY TEACH AND CORRECT THOSE WHO OPPOSE THEMSELVES
2 Tim 2:25-26 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; 26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will. KJV

WE WORSHIP FATHER, SON AND HOLY SPIRIT AND NO FALSE GODS
Deut 28:1-2 "Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the LORD your God will set you high above all nations of the earth. 2 And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the LORD your God: NKJV

WE REPENT OF BRINGING CURSES OF DISOBEDIENCE UPON OURSELVES
Deut 28:15 "But it shall come to pass, if you do not obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His commandments and His statutes which I command you today, that all these curses will come upon you and overtake you: NKJV

WE BREAK THE POWER OF MEDIUMS, PSYCHICS, WITCHES, ALL OCCULT...
1 Sam 28:7 Then Saul said to his servants, "Find me a woman who is a medium, that I may go to her and inquire of her." NKJV

WE LOOSE OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS FROM THE SPIRIT OF THE WORLD.
1 Cor 2:12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God. NKJV

WE LOOSE OUR LAND FROM THE FOUL SPIRITS OF BABYLON.
Rev 18:2 And he cried mightily with a loud voice, saying, "Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and has become a dwelling place of demons, a prison for every foul spirit, and a cage for every unclean and hated bird! NKJV

WE EXPOSE THE SPIRITS OF HARLOTRY AND WHOREDOM IN THE CHURCH.
Hos 4:12 My people ask counsel from their wooden idols, And their staff informs them.
For the spirit of harlotry has caused them to stray, And they have played the harlot against their God. NKJV

IN CHRIST, WE TEAR DOWN THE STRONGHOLDS OF ABORTION AND BAAL
Jer 19:5 they have also built the high places of Baal, to burn their sons with fire for burnt offerings to Baal, which I did not command or speak, nor did it come into My mind, NKJV

WE RENOUNCE THE WORSHIP OF MOLECH AT THE BOHEMIAN GROVE.
Lev 18:20-21 And you shall not let any of your descendants pass through the fire to Molech, nor shall you profane the name of your God: I am the LORD. NKJV

WE RENOUNCE SPIRITS OF DIVINATION / RECEIVE SPIRIT OF PROPHECY.
Acts 16:16 Now it happened, as we went to prayer, that a certain slave girl possessed with a spirit of divination met us, who brought her masters much profit by fortune-telling. NKJV

WE COME AGAINST ANTI-CHRIST SPIRITS AND LIFT UP JESUS CHRIST.
1 John 4:2-3 and every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world. NKJV

IN CHRIST, WE CANCEL THE ASSIGNMENTS OF ABADDON OR APOLLYON.
Rev 9:11 And they had as king over them the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in Hebrew is Abaddon, but in Greek he has the name Apollyon. NKJV

IN CHRIST, WE BREAK THE POWER OF LEVIATHAN, KING OF PRIDE.
Job 41:1, 34 "Can you draw out Leviathan with a hook, Or snare his tongue with a line which you lower? 34 He beholds every high thing; He is king over all the children of pride." NKJV

WE UNITE TO TURN THE HEARTS OF THE FATHERS BACK TO THE CHILDREN
Malachi 4:6 And he will turn The hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers, Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse." NKJV

WE HUMBLY TEACH AND CORRECT THOSE WHO OPPOSE THEMSELVES
2 Tim 2:25-26 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; 26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will. KJV

WE DO NOT WRESTLE WITH PEOPLE BUT WITH DEMONIC POWERS.
Eph 6:12-13 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. NKJV

WE USE MIGHTY / SPIRITUAL WEAPONS TO PULL DOWN STRONGHOLDS.
2 Cor 10:4-6 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled. NKJV

WE CONFESS OUR SIN AND OUR ANCESTORS SIN BREAKING THE CURSES
Lev 26:40 But if they confess their iniquity and the iniquity of their fathers, with their unfaithfulness in which they were unfaithful to Me, and that they also have walked contrary to Me, NKJV

FATHER GOD, DESTROY DEMONIC STRONGHOLDS ON HIGH PLACES.
Lev 26:30 I will destroy your high places, cut down your incense altars, and cast your carcasses on the lifeless forms of your idols; NKJV

WE BREAK THE POWER OF SORCERY, SOOTHSAYERS, CURSES AND VOODOO.
Mic 5:11-13 I will cut off the cities of your land, And throw down all your strongholds. 12 I will cut off sorceries from your hand, And you shall have no soothsayers. 13 Your carved images I will also cut off, And your sacred pillars from your midst; You shall no more worship the work of your hands; NKJV

WE BREAK OFF WITCHCRAFT, OMENS, SPELLS, SPIRITISM, NECROMANCY
Deut 18:10-12 There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire, or one who practices witchcraft, or a soothsayer, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, 11 or one who conjures spells, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls up the dead. 12 For all who do these things are an abomination to the LORD, and because of these abominations the LORD your God drives them out from before you. NKJV

WE ARE SOBER, VIGILANT, RESISTING THE DEVIL WITH STEADFAST FAITH.
1 Peter 5:8-10 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. NKJV

WE BREAK THE POWER OF UNCLEAN SPIRITS WHO RESIST JESUS CHRIST.
Mark 1:23-24 Now there was a man in their synagogue with an unclean spirit. And he cried out, 24 saying, "Let us alone! What have we to do with You, Jesus of Nazareth? Did You come to destroy us? I know who You are -- the Holy One of God!" NKJV

WE RENOUNCE ALL OUR COVENANTS WITH THE PRINCE OF THE WORLD
John 12:31-33 Now is the judgment of this world; now the ruler of this world will be cast out. 32 And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself." NKJV

WE PRAY PRAYERS OF AGREEMENT TO UNIFY AGAINST DEMONIC RULERS
Eph 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. NKJV

WE WORSHIP AND SERVE GOD ALONE AS OUR SOURCE, OUR ALL IN ALL
Matt 4:10 Then Jesus said to him, "Away with you, Satan! For it is written, 'You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve.'" NKJV

WE REPENT OF BLAMING GOD WHEN IT WAS THE DEVIL TEMPTING US
James 1:13-14 Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. NKJV

WE RENOUNCE AGREEMENTS WITH INFIRMITY AND PREMATURE DEATH
Job 2:7 So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD, and struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. NKJV

WE RECEIVE SPIRITUAL DISCERNMENT OF FALSE TEACHERS AND LEADERS
2 Cor 11:13-14 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. 14 And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. NKJV

JESUS CRUCIFY OUR FLESH AND MAKE US 100% OBEDIENT TO YOU
Eph 2:1-2 in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, NKJV

WE REPENT OF BEING SEDUCED BY DECEPTIONS / DOCTRINES OF DEMONS
1 Tim 4:1-3 Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, 2 speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, NKJV

WE RENOUNCE UNBELIEF CALLING THE LOST TO BELIEVE IN JESUS TODAY
Heb 3:12-13 Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God; 13 but exhort one another daily, while it is called "Today," lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. NKJV

WE RESIST OUR ADVERSARY THE DEVIL AND ARE STEADFAST IN FAITH.
1 Peter 5:8-9 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. NKJV

WE LIFT UP THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH OVER THE SPIRIT OF ERROR.
1 John 4:6 We are of God. He who knows God hears us; he who is not of God does not hear us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error. NKJV

WE EXPOSE MIRACLE WORKING DEVILS WHO SERVE THE WRONG SOURCE.
Rev 16:14 For they are spirits of demons, performing signs, which go out to the kings of the earth and of the whole world, to gather them to the battle of that great day of God Almighty.
NKJV

WE HAVE RESURRECTION POWER IN JESUS CHRIST VS. REJECTION.
Mark 8:31 And He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things, and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. NKJV

WE RECEIVE KINGLY AND PRIESTLY AUTHORITY TO REIGN WITH JESUS.
Rev 5:10 And have made us kings and priests to our God; And we shall reign on the earth." NKJV

THE KINGDOMS OF THE WORLD BECOME THE KINGDOMS OF OUR GOD.
Rev 11:15 Then the seventh angel sounded: And there were loud voices in heaven, saying, "The kingdoms of this world have become the kingdoms of our Lord and of His Christ, and He shall reign forever and ever!" NKJV

WE WILL RULE AND REIGN WITH KING JESUS IN THE MILLENNIAL REIGN.
Rev 20:6 Blessed and holy is he who has part in the first resurrection. Over such the second death has no power, but they shall be priests of God and of Christ, and shall reign with Him a thousand years. NKJV

THE WORD OF GOD SAYS GOD'S LIGHT WILL REIGN INSTEAD OF DARKNESS.
Rev 22:5 There shall be no night there: They need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives them light. And they shall reign forever and ever. NKJV

SATAN, THE DECEIVER OF THE NATIONS, WILL BE BOUND 1,OOO YEARS.
Rev 20:2-3 He laid hold of the dragon, that serpent of old, who is the Devil and Satan, and bound him for a thousand years; 3 and he cast him into the bottomless pit, and shut him up, and set a seal on him, so that he should deceive the nations no more till the thousand years were finished. But after these things he must be released for a little while. NKJV

God has given us power, the Matthew 10 and Luke 9 anointing and we have been commissioned to cast out demons. Luke 9:1-2 Then He called His twelve disciples together and gave them power and authority over all demons, and to cure diseases. 2 He sent them to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. NKJV Eph 6 commands us to come against demonic powers from the top of down not just casting out little demons forever. We first cleanse ourselves of all agreements with darkness and then bind and cast out the strongman. Luke 11:20 But if I cast out demons with the finger of God, surely the kingdom of God has come upon you. NKJV

Isa 61:1-2 "The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me, because the LORD has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; 2 to proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; NKJV
crosswalklife.com

Speech... Does it really matter?

2011-05-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

It is said in the Bible that when our speech is motivated by Satan it is full of:

bitter envy
selfish ambition
earthly concerns and desires
unspiritual thoughts and ideas
disorder
evil

When it is motivated by God and His Wisdom it is full of:

Mercy
Love for others
Peace
Consideration of others
Submission
Sincerity, impartiality
Righteousness

Where does your speech lie? Isn't your speech the window to your thoughts, your heart?

Don't go back on your word ....... Gen 47: 29-31
Sometimes best to remain quiet ...... Gen 42: 8-9
Why we should use them carefully ...... Ps 15:3-4, Prv 11:9, Mk 6: 22-23
Think before you speak .... Prv 15:28
Reveal what is in our heart .... Mt 12:34-36, Lk 6:45
Paul cautions against vulgar speech .... Eph 5:4
Be gracious in your speech .... Col 4:6

The above passages are found in the Bible. The Bible is a sacred book with many collections of scripture related to Judaism and Christianity. It is the best selling book in the history of the universe with more than 6 billion copies published. There are over 1,000 different Bibles. The Christian Bible is the bestselling book of all time. The Bible Society of the United Kingdom calculates that the number of Bibles printed each year are 1 million. Fact: The average American household contains 4 Bibles! Note: If the Bible is the Word and you read it ... doesn't it become your thought, thus your speech?

If you are unable to purchase a bible, you may obtain one free of charge from the following websites: "Spirit One Ministry" www.spirit1.us. You may also download a free bible at: www.biblepath.com. Many neighborhood churches offer free Bibles for the asking.

For those who wish to learn Hebrew. Visit Hebrew for Christians @ www.hebrew4christians.com.

Todays prayer taken from www.allaboutprayer.com:

Lord I come before You, desiring to provide thanks.
Father, I have so much to be thankful for, things unseen and seen,
that You have done in my life.

Lord, mostly I am thankful for the relationship that I have with You.
Lord, You initiated this relationship, by what Your Son endeavored to accomplish,
paying the price for my sin, redeeming and reconciling me.

Dear Heavenly Father, You know the times I have been ungrateful, held ill thoughts toward You and my fellow humans. You know the times I complain and speak about life and its circumstances, about suffering, going through what seem endless trials and tribulations. Even yielding my members to unholy deeds.

Yet God You are and always will be there with me, even when it seems like I am forever in the wilderness, running further and further from You, You, my God are there guiding me back to Your loving arms.

I am thankful Lord for everything that You allow to cross my path. Thankful for the decisions that You allow me to make and the lessons that come from these decisions.

I’m thankful, Lord, that I do not have to live under condemnation anymore, that You have truly set me free, that I am a new creation that I need not live under the law anymore. Thankful Lord that You have given me joy unspeakable. Thankful Lord that You are longsuffering, allowing me to mature in You!

Lord, words do not express my thankfulness. For Your mighty power is at work in me, transforming me, renewing my mind. To You Lord belong thanks eternal.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

The Jerusalem Gazette-Obituaries-Jesus Christ

2011-04-19T19:35:00.000-07:00

33 AD

Jesus Christ, 33, of Nazareth, died Friday on Mount Calvary, also know as Golgotha, the place of the skull. Betrayed by the apostle Judas, Jesus was crucified by the Romans, by order of the Ruler Pontius Pilate. The causes of death were crucifixion, extreme exhaustion, severe torture, and loss of blood.

Jesus Christ, a descendant of Abraham, was a member of the house of David. He was the Son of the late Joseph, a carpenter of Nazareth, and Mary, His devoted Mother. Jesus was born in a stable in the city of Bethlehem, Judea. He is survived by His mother Mary, His faithful Apostles, numerous disciples, and many other followers.

Jesus was self-educated and spent most of His adult life working as a Teacher. Jesus also occasionally worked as a Medical Doctor and it is reported that He healed many patients. Up until the time of His death, Jesus was teaching and sharing the Good News, healing the sick, touching the lonely, feeding the hungry, and helping the poor.

Jesus was most noted for telling parables about His Father's Kingdom and performing miracles, such as feeding over 5,000 people with only five loaves of bread and two fish, and healing a man who was born blind. On the day before His death, He held a Last Supper celebrating the Passover Feast, at which He foretold His death.

The body was quickly buried in a stone grave, which was donated by Joseph of Arimathea, a loyal friend of the family. By order of Pontius Pilate, a boulder was rolled in front of the tomb. Roman soldiers were put on guard.

In lieu of flowers, the family has requested that everyone try to live as Jesus did. Donations may be sent to anyone in need.

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON. THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.
John 3:16

Holy Spirit is NOT a Dove!

2011-03-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

Last night after church a few of us were sitting in the cafe and I tossed out a question, "what or who is Holy Spirit ?' Most of the answers fell along the same lines, "Um ... he is a bird ... a Dove" After a long pause, it was my turn. "I don't see Him in that way," I proclaimed. Holy Spirit to me is metaphorically like a Dove but not literally a bird.

It is true, throughout the Bible metaphors are used to describe Holy Spirit so that we may be able to understand his profound function and spiritual meaning more clearly. These metaphors make use of familiar things to describe something more abstract.

One very important metaphor used to describe Holy Spirit is its likeness to doves and their unique and noble characteristics. Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. (Mt 10:16). This passage tells us that another characteristic of doves is gentleness. They are innocent and docile; attributes that Holy Spirit shares. When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we will also become gentler.

The Lord Jesus Himself was a kind and gentle man. His heart was always meek and humble, and it is these virtues that He wanted and encouraged us to learn from Him. During His ministry, Jesus was filled with compassion for the sick and the demon-possessed. The Bible tells us that He does not destroy a bruised reed nor will He extinguish a withering flame. Instead, He will cause the reed to grow again, and He will rekindle the lamp. This, too, is how the Lord Jesus treats us—with meekness, compassion, and mercy.

When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we naturally take on the characteristics and virtues of Christ. Through the fullness of the Spirit, we are shaped and refined to be more like Him. A Sign of Peace.

There are many social events where people release doves as a sign of peace. In the same way, the Holy Spirit is our counselor and our peace, and it will reconcile us with God and motivate us to live in harmony with others. In the epistle that Paul wrote to the Ephesians, he reminded the believers that it is by the gracious salvation of Jesus Christ that we can be at peace with God. It is through the Holy Spirit that the Jews and non-Jews are reconciled and made as one body in Christ.

Peace is one part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. If we are filled with the Holy Spirit, we are able to live at peace with everyone. Without the Holy Spirit, it is hard for us to be united in one mind and recognize God’s will. If each of us is filled with the Holy Spirit, we will find it easier to have peace and humility in the body of Christ, and we will be able to bear one another and to serve Him harmoniously.

Holy Spirit is found in the Gospels:

As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him (Matthew 3:16).

As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove (Mark 1:10).

And the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased” (Luke 3:22).

Then John gave this testimony: “I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. I would not have known him, except that the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, ‘The man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is he who will baptize with the Holy Spirit’ (John 1:32-33).

“If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you” (John 14:15-17).

“But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you” (John 14:26).

I wonder what God's intention was in matter of the identity of the Holy Spirit beginning with the Old Testament. It's not so much a question of what people thought regarding this member of the Godhead but what the intention was of God Himself who inspired the writers. So how can we distinguish "what God intended" from "what people thought?" Throughout the Bible, wind is used as a metaphor for the Spirit. The Spirit creates movement and change as the power of its presence provides the energy and life-giving presence of God. Where the Spirit of the Lord is present, there will always be change. The Spirit provides guidance, wisdom and direction. As we experience the Spirit of God, we can feel the direction God is pushing us and discern the changes that are coming to our lives. The wind is a cool breeze. It comforts and provides refreshment. Without the wind, nature, as we know it, would cease to exist. Might we say, Holy Spirit is God's breath, supernaturally releasing divine direction while transforming us through the power of Jesus and God Himself?

The Spirit pours faith into us. The methods will be different from one person to another but it may come to us like this: through a sermon, a worship service, youth event, a testimony, an act of kindness, a relationship of love, a struggle of conscience, a brush with disaster or INSANITY, a steady gradual series of changes, a blissful 'peak experience' moment, a shaken-up charismatic experience, or a whisper from inside. The Spirit gives gifts which make the Body work effectively and powerfully. The Spirit is at work moving people to compassion for others. The Spirit brakes down the old and brings in the new. But why is the Spirit the Spirit? For the Gospel and the purpose of leading people to follow Jesus.

The Spirit is like a good medical team for those who have especially deep wounds. In Jesus own ministry, inner healing was linked to physical healing as a work of the Spirit. God is concerned about the whole person, not just the inner self. Man is a fractured being which the Spirit works to make complete.

The Holy Spirit was present upon the earth even before the creation of man: Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters (Genesis 1:2). But we can see a distinct difference between the action of the Holy Spirit among the people of Israel in the Old Testament and the believers of the New Testament.

We see the action of the Holy Spirit in the lives of some of the people in the Old Testament. We see that the Spirit of the Lord "came upon" some of the central figures of the Old Testament at certain times. But this was an exceptional occurrence. The following scriptures are a few examples of this:

(Judges 3:10) The Spirit of the LORD came upon him, so that he became Israel's judge and went to war. The LORD gave Cushan Rishathaim king of Aram into the hands of Othniel, who overpowered him.

(Judges 6:34) Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Gideon, and he blew a trumpet, summoning the Abiezrites to follow him.

(Judges 14:6) The Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power so that he tore the lion apart with his bare hands as he might have torn a young goat. But he told neither his father nor his mother what he had done.

(1 Samuel 10:6) The Spirit of the LORD will come upon you in power, and you will prophesy with them; and you will be changed into a different person.

(1 Samuel 16:13) So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the LORD came upon David in power. Samuel then went to Ramah.

I believe that God did not intend for us to worship a dove named Holy Spirit.

First, Jesus said he would send “another” in his place (John 14:16). The word for another is allos in Greek and refers to another just like Jesus. It is reasonable to conclude from this that the Spirit is a person since Jesus is clearly a person. Further, Jesus referred to him as a parakletos (enabler, encourager, comforter, etc.) which requires that he be a person since the functions of a parakletos are personal; Jesus functioned as a parakletos to the disciples. (Ref:Bible.org)

Second, the fact that the Spirit makes choices (1 Cor 12:11), teaches (John 14:26), guides (John 16:13), reveals Jesus (John 16:14), convicts (John 16:8), seals believers (2 Cor 1:21-22), can be grieved (Eph 4:30), blasphemed (Matt 12:31), possesses a rational mind (Rom 8:26-27; 1 Cor 2:11-13), can be lied to (Acts 5:3-4), quenched (1 Thess 5:19), resisted (Acts 7:51), and on numerous occasions is distinguished from, yet directly linked with the Father and the Son as co-worker and co-recipient of worship, argues definitively for his personhood (Matt 28:19-20; 2 Cor 13:14).

And with that, I believe ... Holy Spirit who lives within me and all believers is the Spirit of Life. Supernaturally, as God is supernatural, he stands at the ready to pour out his fruit in a way that I may love and be set free from sin and death (Romans 8:2).

I'm in love with Holy Spirit, (breath) and by the way ... he is NOT a dove.

Overcoming Confusion by the Power of The Holy Spirit

2011-03-12T06:06:00.001-08:00

Confusion comes of the devil, because there is no truth in him. He is a liar and a thief, and Lucifer will always try and confuse, confound, and mislead us. We can overcome confusion through the Word, and through the Blood of our precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Here are some scriptures that clearly define and contrast the works of the Father vs. the fallen angel Lucifer (not God’s opposite, but a fallen angel who was created).

Of the devil (Jesus here speaking to the Pharisees who interestingly enough were trying to cause confusion)…John 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him (i.e. – only lies and confusion). When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

However, we know that Jesus came to destroy ALL the works of the devil, even confusion and the obstruction of truth…

1 John 3:8 …For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil.

God is a God of order. He created the universe and the very laws of science that hold everything in place. He gave us His Word, & and He gives peace.

1 Corinthians 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. (here, the term peace can also be translated to mean a quiet and restful mind, not troubled by confusion or doubt).

We must not allow ourselves to concentrate on the confusion or the lies, but look instead to the author and finisher of our faith. Jesus spent little time being distracted by the works of the devil…in fact He would not allow the demonic to even speak but commanded the to “hold their peace” or to not speak forth things that would add confusion.

Luke 4:35 And Jesus rebuked him, saying, Hold thy peace, and come out of him. And when the devil had thrown him in the midst, he came out of him, and hurt him not.

Therefore, when confusion comes in, we must take authority over the confusion by pleading the Blood of Jesus Christ and by standing on what God PROMISES us as believers and children. We must be proactive in our warfare against confusion as Paul states…

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations (literally - confused thoughts), and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

We should not fear this warfare but have knowledge that through Christ there is love, power and clarity of thought.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Praying in the Spirit helps to bring us out of these times of confusion because when we know not what to pray the Spirit will intercede…

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

Pray without ceasing in the Spirit especially during those times when confusion abounds because we are promised…

Isaiah 59:19 … When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him.

Finally…be proactive in giving your mind a preventative remedy against the confusion returning…

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Special thank you to www.theholyspirit.com.

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Soul Wounds

2011-03-08T23:03:00.000-08:00

Many ask, "What are soul wounds and why do we have them?" Soul wounds are the torment of the Christian soul. They are painful inner issues that live just beneath the surface of our emotions. They are the most agonizing inner problem of the spiritual heart. Soul wounds are caused by a traumatic experience such as rape, molestation, neglect, physical or verbal abuse, or by any negative or hurtful incident.

It is a fact that all of us have soul wounds at one time or another but some wounds can cause deep emotional scars. Those from childhood are easily triggered in adult relationships and often surface during marital strife. Wounds formulated in our psyches as children generally occurred when our mothers and/or fathers withheld support, nurturing or attention.

The symptoms of a soul wound may be a life of confusion or despair. Are you engaging in excess eating or are you obese? The culprit may be a crippling soul wound. Today, Christians seek help from their pastors and Soul Care Counselors who have a deep understanding of the Gospel's power to transform lives. We all mask our pain at certain levels but when given the opportunity many can transform their lives for a happiness previously unknown.

A soul wound begins to heal when we take responsibility for it and stop blaming other's for its existence. What is the benefit of addressing a soul wound? Everything.

Thoughts ...

2011-03-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

If you think I am no longer edgy, you are correct.
If you think I am no longer anxious, you are correct.
If you think I am no longer symptomatic, you are correct.
If you think I am no longer worshiping an illness that tried to kill me, you are correct.
If you think my thoughts are no longer driven by a disease, you are correct.
If you think my darkness has been replaced by light, you are correct.
If you think my journey has changed, you are correct.
If you think my heart has changed, you are correct.
If you think miracles can happen, you are correct.
If you think your soul pain can be healed, you are correct.
If you think you need a change, you are correct.
If you think there is more to life, you are correct.
If you think you are ready for a change, you are correct.
If you think there is something better waiting for you, you are correct.
If you think you have had enough, you are correct.

If your think your mental diet is harmful, change your food for thought.
If you think that thought is the source of all action, you are correct.
If you think yourself ill, you will be.
If you think that thoughts determine your circumstances or your character, you are correct.
If you think thought stirs emotion, you are correct.
If you think thought is the Creator and creative power is thought, you are correct.

If you think this speaks of God ... You are Correct

"Keep thy thoughts will all diligence

For out of them are the issues of life" 2

Proverbs iv. 23.

An Intimate Message from God to You

2011-03-08T20:55:00.000-08:00

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1 I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2 I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3 Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31 For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27 In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28 For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28 I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5 I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12 You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139 15-16 I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26 You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 I knit you together in your other's womb. Psalm 139:13. And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6 I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44 I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1John 4:16 And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1. Simply because you are my child and I am your Father 1 John 3:1 I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11 For I am the perfect Father. Matthew 5:48 Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17 For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33 My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3 My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18 And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40 For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:.5 I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41 And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3 If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29 Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13 I am able to do more for you than you could possible imagine. Ephesians 3:20 For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18 As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11 One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21 3-4 And I'll take away all the pain your have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21: 3-4 I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17-23 For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26 He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3 He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31 And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10 I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32 If you receive the gift of my son, Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23 And nothing will ever separate you from my love again Romans 8:38-39 Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7 I have always been Father and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15 My question is ... will you be my child? John 1:12-13 I am waiting for you. Luke 15: 11-32 Love your Dad, Almighty God

Adapted from the book, Father's Love Letter, by Barry Adams. www.christianpublications.com

Feeling, Thinking, Being

2011-02-07T23:19:00.000-08:00

Today is February 8th. It has been 16 days since I rededicated myself to Jesus. How amazing the journey. There are no words to express what my heart feels and what my mind thinks and how alive my spirit is.

I must admit there have been hurdles to jump over since then. Family, friends ... they don't understand what is happening during this process. There are those who are interested and some who don't want to know. Here's the rub, keeping them straight, who's who, hit list, say this to one person, don't be too joyous to the other, don't discuss the supernatural ... thats sy-fy right? but I'm not complaining, its more of the same in a completely different way, and it's all good.

Not so long ago I longed for this joy and by the ingestion of pills, smoke, coke, booze, sex, whatever I could not get to the first base, happiness. But now, thanks to our glorious Savior, my spirit takes flight and the "high" ... it is tremendous.

Tonight I was thinking about the past. When my "born again" friends would go to church not once, but twice on Sunday ... I would roll my eyes. "What for?" I wondered, "the donuts?" But I have come full circle. It is not for the donuts but for the body, it is not for the coffee but for the blood, it is not for the gossip ... it is for Him and the development of a relationship with the King of Kings. Gosh, that sounds silly doesn't it? But silly it is not. Think about your worst day ... every day without God will be an eternity of your worst days! Believe me, once you learn to look forward, you'll never look back.

So, He is healing me and this is my time for education and insight and I am filled with the Holy Spirit who will keep me on track. When my granddaughter asked, "Yiayia ... why are you praying so much" I told her, I'm praying to Jesus for you, baby ... I'm praying for you.

Just one prayer, every day.

Mental and Spiritual Miracles

2011-01-26T00:49:00.000-08:00

I am living a most precious life. I have suffered a lifetime of symptoms with Bipolar Disorder and today I am free.

I was saved last Sunday and gave myself to the King of Kings, Jesus Christ. I am awake and alive in such a remarkable way. No nervous breakdown or psychosis, no Bipolar to bog me down, this is nothing less than a miracle. Surrounded by the Love of family and friends daily, I am feeling the intensity of emotion in the most truthful of ways. Fluid with thoughts and ideas, hungry to have more of Him, I am a-symptomatic of a lifetime illness that once wished only to destroy me. Suicidal ideation, drug abuse and sexual misconduct, I will offer praise to my Lord for he has Saved me from a most horrific eternity. In my obedience, I will continue to discuss Bipolar Disorder as I am affected and share my life as it takes shape before me.

Just a while ago I couldn't sleep so I wrote this ... for you

Her First Day

Cynthia M. Sabotka

I have lived a heavenly day. For on that day, drenched in the supernatural of His power, I followed with the jubilance of a thousand Angels; a path not directed by my own.

A quiet touch, arms of a new life, how He surrounded me while I shed my pain. In course, on that glorious day, each breath a transformation, each emotion a cleansing of my broken heart.

Previously life, once lived in the shadow of grays; an illness of mind drawn out by the power of hands, and by the driving force of an electrical field ... He raised me up.

So with the crispness of new fallen snow, a child bowed to His name and was Saved. Saved and Loved and Forgiven ... all on her first day.

Prayer and a New Perspective

2011-01-23T21:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Family and Friends,

Please do not be concerned when you receive this letter. Today has been a most miraculous day. Today the Lord filled me with his spirit and took away my pain. I have been forgiven and by his grace, I am healed. His timing was perfect. Until today, I have not responded well to his call.

So I stand before you with good news for this has been my day of reconciliation.

If words could express the jubilation of my spirit, I would dictate them here, but words will never convey the joy I have come to know.

So today, I am asking that you help me by your prayers so I may be what I was intended to be and that our lives however meshed together, will share a path now and for all eternity.

I Love you more,

Cynthia

Euphoria

2011-01-18T22:14:00.000-08:00

“That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!” Quote Bill Watterson, Author Calvin and Hobbs.

If we agree there's truth in humor, what would you say about the quote? I would say ... "Euphoros (Greek), is the crescendo of life; it seduces, confuses, while it takes your breath away."

Euphoria is medically recognized as a mental and emotional state defined as a profound sense of well-being. I am blessed to know this state. As it unveils me, I feel completely succumb to it and when it takes me, it feels like the first time every time. I have felt this force of life in two ways, one is through the management of Bipolar medication. In medication, I have experienced euphoria through the titrating down of pharmaceuticals in my system. This precise titration lends itself to the possibility of a euphoric response. During this euphoria, I feel pulled in many directions and by the power of my force, become influenced and compulsive.

Euphoria is generally considered to be an exaggerated physical and psychological state, sometimes induced by the use of psychoactive drugs and not typically achieved during the normal course of human experience. However, some natural behaviors, such as activities resulting in orgasm or the triumph of an athlete, can induce brief states of euphoria.

Today, drenched by the wisdom of my psychiatrist, I crave the process carefully. "You are experiencing a rebound from a medication" she advised. "So what happens now?" I ask and then she smiles, "enjoy ... and see me in two weeks."

The Best Day

2011-01-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

I want to be optimistic. My psychiatrist tells me I'm a life force. If there is a life force in the room, it is she.

My granddaughter applies Gesso to a canvas. "Yiayia" she pronounces, "this is the best day of my life." "Why Baby?" I ask her. "I never did this before Yiayia, and I am having fun."

"No Baby," I whisper.

"This is the best day of my life."

My Wish for You in the New Year

2010-12-30T21:16:00.000-08:00

I wish you find your passion.

I wish all sadness to be replaced with comfort and joy.

I wish you ample drink in a state of thirst.

I wish you friendships and the love of others.

I wish you a keen mind's eye when life becomes too difficult to see.

I wish you hope in your hopelessness.

I wish you the love of God and the understanding of his design.

I wish you mittens in the cold and boots in the snow.

And finally, I wish you laughter, a new toothbrush, and one walk singing in the rain.

Peace and a Blessed New Year .....

So Long Thanksgiving ...

2010-11-25T18:10:00.000-08:00

Every once in awhile I go from a run to stop. Today was my 57th hectic Thanksgiving. As we gathered around our table, someone suggested, "hey, what are we thankful for?" There was a hush over the room. The responses were the same ... "I am thankful for my family" ... "I am thankful for this food," then dead silence. One participant said, "okay, that's it, eh?" I was quiet. I was thinking and in my silence ... "I am thankful that you don't live in my house, I am thankful that soon you will go home, I am thankful that I haven't pounded you in the mouth yet."

When the house grew quiet, I sighed. All had gone home. Now I know what I am thankful for. "I am thankful that their car started, I am thankful that they went home, and I am thankful that Thanksgiving comes but once a year."

Thank you dear Lord, and happy Thanksgiving.

The Science of Pharmacology

2010-10-19T06:51:00.000-07:00

The science of pharmacology has managed to bring to the forefront many of the mental health issues that plague Americans' today. By way of advertising, manufacturers have provided the fastest method of de-stigmatization. Taboo subjects that were once frowned upon are now discussed openly and give consumers a reason to be hopeful. One such illness is called Bipolar Disorder, a very difficult malady to control. The name Bipolar Disorder was changed from manic-depression to dispel the stigma of the disorder because the "having of it" was like having the plague. Thieves, murders, rapists...they were held to a lesser standard than the manic-depressives.

Although self-serving and for the purposes of stock-holders and finances, pharmaceutical companies continue to develop and up sell the very medications that consumers find essential for life. If one must justify the onslaught of advertising information of a particular disease like mental illness, it would come in the form of relief; there are those who lack hope and rely on medications to merely exist, or expect with every new pill...there is a cure. Through pharmacology, a once closed door might be opened, symptoms of a lifelong illness eradicated, prayers answered, and longevity retrieved. It is exhausting trial and error until medications make able, but the end justifies the means.

Scientific researchers must not be denied their place of importance. As they study the body, they bring to the table knowledge that may someday alter lives and change the direction of any illness shared by humankind. We are fortunate to live in this age of discovery. We have the benefit of investigators, who by nature are curious humanitarians. They will not cover up the symptoms, they will dramatically alter future generations by understanding our genomics. Scientists today are more sophisticated, they are not of the "lobotomy" generation. But they will dissect your brain, if you donate it to science.

Medication, research, and psychotherapy is found at the fifty-yard line. When stigma exists, it is often due to families as they perpetuate the stigma by denying the illness or become embarrassed as if it was their own. Consumers perpetuate the stigma by internalizing the illness as if it is their fault. It is neither. The goal is to work together as a unit. Stigma pushes the ill back, losing site of the goal. Support groups are a wonderful way of shedding off the old beliefs and allowing the new. Whether in person or on the wonderful world wide web, support is available.

So the roll pharmacology plays in mental well-being is an important one, but there is a high price to pay. Those with mental disease are a captured audience and statistics prove it so. In essence, I suppose you don't have to search for information on their medical marvels, the ads will come to you eventually, even if it is ... in-between your shows on TV.

Thought for Today: Think positive always and in the worst of times it will carry you.

My Life in a Bookstore

2010-10-19T06:31:00.000-07:00

I perused the shelves of a book store today, then in short time I took my place. Surrounded by the smell of them, the bright beautiful sight of them standing in a row, I am humbled by their power. They have the ability to change minds, to open hearts, and to make sense of the insensible. I signed when it was my turn. When they requested my dedication, I named them and I signed.

I suppose you might say, I am their "accidental" author. I wrote about me and it brought me to them. My story ... analysis and insight, information and enlightenment, my opportunity ... to set the record straight. It was healing and forgiveness. It was illness and mental unrest. And now they come to me. Exposing who they are by what they think, they share private thoughts in a public house. They are not afraid. As each one steps before me, our eyes meet and as I understand their place, our lives collide.

Every time I sign, it is the same. Every moment, deeply different. They come to me, yearning. They prognosticate. They deny. Mentally speaking, mutual thoughts. Their pain is troublesome. Each soul is unique. But they need more than three minutes of my attention; I cannot be what they need. For I am their "accidental" author. I convey to them my message, and speak of where I came. But I am only a moment of hope in their mirrors reflection, a chance meeting, a wish that what I know may help along the way.

For reasons unknown, we met on that day at the book store. By curiosity, by chance, I was sitting there at just at the right time. Perhaps they will read my words and the message will guide them through their journey ... and in the end, I am honored, they are taking me home.

By their request, I have signed and they are taking me home.

Unwellness can be created by an unbalanced body. Nothing looks as good as wellness feels …

2010-10-06T14:55:00.000-07:00

Well being or lack of it… does it have anything to do with a vitamin deficiency? Absolutely!

Vitamin B affects the body cells, eyes gastrointestinal tract, hair, liver, mouth NERVOUS SYSTEM, or skin. Deficiency symptoms include acne, anemia, bad breath, high cholesterol, poor circulation, constipation, dark tongue color, depression, digestive disturbances, fatigue, dry hair or falling out, hypertension, insomnia, tender/painful leg muscles, NERVOUSNESS, dry or rough skin. Problems of muscle tone in the gastrointestinal tract and liver. DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY can occur. Anemia contributes to electrolyte imbalances. Memory loss, NERVOUS SYSTEM DISORDERS, or immune system problems (low platelet count).

Vitamin B 12 affects the liver, nerves, red blood cells, gastrointestinal tract. Deficiency symptoms include appetite loss, diminished reflexes, fatigue, IRRITABILITY, MEMORY IMPAIRMENT, MENTAL DEPRESSION AND CONFUSION, NERVOUSNESS, body odor, walking and speaking difficulties, weakness of arms or legs. The possibility of hallucinations, memory loss, eye disorders, and anemia with this deficiency.

Vitamin C affects adrenal glands, blood, bones, capillary walls, cells, connective tissue, heart, mucous membranes, NERVOUS SYSTEM, and teeth. Deficiency symptoms include anemia, bleeding gums, breath shortness, capillary wall ruptures (bruise easily), dental cavities, low infection resistance, muscle degeneration, nosebleeds, poor digestion, stress, weakened cartilages, blood clots, and show healing wounds. Vitamin C helps prevent infection and can help prevent cancer.

Vitamin D affects the bones, heart, kidneys, NERVOUS system, skin, teeth and thyroid gland. Symptoms include NERVOUSNESS, can affect feelings of well-being.

Calcium deficiency symptom: NERVOUSNESS.

Magnesium deficiency affects the NERVOUS system. Deficiency symptoms are aching muscles, ANXIETY, broken nails, MUSCLE TREMORS, NERVOUSNESS, NOISE SENSITIVITY, RAPID PULSE AND SOUND SENSITIVITY. May cause DEPRESSION AND DIZZINESS. (SomethingFishy:Website on Eating Disorders).

Unwellness can be created by an unbalanced body. Ask your doctor about vitamin deficiencies. Remember ... Nothing looks as good as wellness feels …

Cynthia M. Sabotka is an accidental author and publisher. She is an expert patient and witness to familial mental illness and the spectrum illness of Bipolar Disorder.

www.LifeIsLikeaLine.com

expression through swearing in hypomania

2010-10-04T08:16:00.000-07:00

today my psychiatrist is forty minutes late. i am anxious and ready and waiting for her, damn it. i miss seeing her. in her office we exchange pleasantries and witticism. i wait for her million dollar question. i say what i cannot suppress, “ahhhh, i am fu-- king alive.”

9 years and she is never shocked by my candor. my cursing sets off the tone for my session. i am enthusiastic and our conversation reflects my pace. her eyes bright and smile wide explain with a sense of satisfaction, “it almost looks like hypomania” (a mild form of mania, marked by elation and hyperactivity). not surprised, i am calm with nuances, eager and relieved. during my appointment there is laughing and swearing and affect. it is me. medication, no changes and i beg God for this fitness. driving home, the beat is hard and the volume loud. i am scribbling notes and pass at 90. i move fast and feel. the intensity of my senses have returned in this hypomania. asleep when there is no “life” the senses wake when i come alive.

swearing, it is common to have a loss of censorship in speech and i see how i am elevated by mood. while there are those who swear and scream to violence, others create words as if an art form. i believe such is mine. cursing with the right intonation brings the cutting edge expression of ones self to others. Author Mark Twain is quoted in his book “Biography,” “under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances; profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”

some say swearing corrupts language, others that it reduces physical pain. not in front of children, no repressed emotion for me, for as long as i am driven i will remain.

"Life Is Like a Line" The Introduction

2010-09-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

During my days of writing, I found myself filled with thoughts and moods and desires flowing from my pessimistic self. While the words came to me instantly, there was uneasiness about them. In my inability to suppress this uneasiness, it became clear that a state of flux was happening to me for some specific reason all over again.

Beginning somewhere in my ancestry, it has followed the bloodline all the way down. Genetics, I suppose, unavoidable genetics. My ancestry holds the answers to questions I will never think to ask.

I am the caboose, and the power of the conflict has been my steam. Perhaps my birth was saved for last to absorb the family spills, but my personal growth has been born out of the reflections of a child. Some say it's all in my mind, and after many years of discussion with a mental trainer, I now concur.

Memories, as you might expect, are the nucleus of our existence, and mine are based on the unintended unsuspecting events of family and the consequences of their actions. My story of mood and temperament, suspicion and pain, familial homophobia, coping and forgiveness. Consequently, this is a recounting of typical and atypical behaviors under specific circumstances and how their effects ultimately brought my obscurity to light.

Thoughts, moods, and temperaments are like breath. Normally a naturally occurring phenomenon, each is evidence of the mind's handiwork. Expressive and powerful, often running haywire, flawlessly cosmic, comedic by nature or not-the greatest creation is the mind as it controls senses that are the connection of the body and the life of the soul.

As my pace accelerated, my mind's eye began to see things...in darkness and in a different light. What was once breathtaking heightened to exhilaration, and then exhaustion became senselessness and finally hopelessness. Under my distorted mental command I began to change, and in my elation, poetry began to swirl unrestrained, driven by my vacillating moodiness and the high spirits of each occurring moment.

They say that everyone has a book inside of them, and mine, journal-like in style, is a collection born at conception that lay dormant for forty-eight years. The simple union of a man and woman brought the circumstances and the results I now inscribe. And they, the very circumstances that have given me pause, have driven my enthusiasm. I have written this book under the powerful force of two minds and in doing so I have endured all of the joy and all of the joylessness my life has ever known.

I do not believe my cast of characters represents anything more than earthly souls yearning, searching, and striving for their desires, battling their demons, and amending their existence to stay alive, but in doing so, each has affected the lives of the others.

Sharing Truths About Mental Illness

2010-08-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

I spoke with my gal pal last night after writing my most recent blog entry. It was late and neither of us could sleep. In fact, the only one enjoying the time on the clock was Charlie, my dog. I watched him as he twitched and fluttered on the floor. I imagined filming his slumber with time lapse photography. Add a musical background. I would love to live in his head, Charlie's. Weird dog.

My friend speaks with me in one ear as does Karen Carpenter in the other. I can do this ... hear her, listen to music, and follow along. More is not less here; noise tames the abstract confusion in my B1polar mind.

Often my friend is encouraging when I am not. "Sometimes writing the way I do exposes me too much," I fear. Sometimes it makes me feel so vulnerable. A thought reminds me of my promise and my direction, "perhaps we are "given" this illness to help others, yes?" Shrouded by the mystery of the mania and madness, it is a truth ... but I almost laugh out loud. Laughing comes easy on sanity's line.

Honestly though, so much experienced can be shared for the wellbeing of others and future generations. Often I meet parents and patients who have no understanding of the patterns (trial/error), potential (remission/recovery) and promise (science/discovery) of  mental illness. The caregiver shows signs of panic and fear. I am quiet when they are needy. I drift in thought; this is why I write my truth, my book, my blog, they awaken me. For hope, I write for them; to fulfill my own destiny, I write for me.

I believe the human mind, still porous in mental unwellness, is hungry for expansion.  These are the experiences of trials and tribulation. That is what takes us deeper into ourselves, into the Universe and closer to God. For all of its darkness and suffering in mania, I have seen things naturally that many will never see or understand. With suicidal tries I have been given a second chance. Worthy to be shared, I am a work in progress and after twenty-three years my husband feels simply, I am never boring.

"Thoughts, moods, and temperaments are like breath. Normally a naturally occurring phenomenon, each is evidence of the mind's handiwork. Expressive and powerful, often running haywire, flawlessly cosmic, comedic by nature or not - the greatest creation is the mind as it controls senses that are the connection of the body and the life of the soul.   (Excerpt/Introduction: Life Is Like a Line: A Memoir of Moods, Medication, and Mania).

Cynthia's style of writing is a manifestation of stress and circumstance and the implosion of Bipolar Disorder at forty-eight. Visit @www.LifeIsLikeaLine.com to obtain a copy of the book (Amazon.com) or to reach Cynthia directly.

Spinning into Orbit

2010-08-24T20:13:00.000-07:00

Moving into a direction of the unknown. Medication changes begin to change my chemistry again. Switch em up every 9 years and rattle the cage. Can't take the anti-psychotics for too long. Side effects, hair falling out, thinning, turning yellow, tics, tremors, dulled thinking, confusion ... I forgot the rest.

Can't sleep. Spinning is energy, much more than in depression. I don't know where this is going. How far. I'm listening to Eminem on iTunes over and over again. Same song. "Love the Way You Lie" is hypnotic. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U) The song seems like a replication of the years of my life only bring it down to the 50's. Cut out the explicit swearing, add in God damns and some physical abuse. Humiliation, parental favorites - secrets between the players. And the anger remains. It's a love hate. Pushing and knocking down. Little kids see and feel the conflict and turmoil, the pain. After all of this will they ever be the same ...

read more about a life Bipolar @http://www.lifeislikealine.com

A Life Bipolar

2010-08-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

Recently, a friend of mine reminded me that I haven't blogged in quite a while. My reply should have been that I didn't have the mind to do so ... damn pharmaceutical geniuses. It's hard to make someone understand the intricacies of medication on the Bipolar mind. Fortunately my friend understood. Medications are meant to alter something so something else can be controlled, the end.

Though there is unpredictability in ingesting medication, the benefits far outweigh the risk when you examine the overall picture. In my natural state, my mind will whirl off of its axis. Such a cool illness Bipolar. Who else gets to hallucinate naturally, stay awake for days at a time, multi-task like crazy, experience God in religiousity, have such awareness of the Universe, enjoy a thousand brilliant thoughts at once, be inventive and creative, be full of themselves and be the life of the party, drink others under the table, experience almost devastating hypersexuality and have an overwhelming desire for illicit drugs?

That was my hypomania but it didn't take long before paranoia would set in with the sounds of people mumbling incessantly close by. There are shadowy figures in my midst and as I question myself, I say nothing to another. But life is changing and my gut tells me to drop out of social groups to stay concealed. I am agitated and sarcastic. Owning a sports car allows me to be reckless and dangerous. I test my fate. I have road rage and I pass at will. Don't cut in front of me in the grocery store, my patience has been consumed. I am obsessed and have compulsions. I am filled with a torturous unexplainable fear and the sounds of horror that are imbedded deep inside my mind worsen. This is my mania. I have somehow ingested absolute darkness and like oil in a glass, it coats my soul. Sitting in my car, I watch the garage door as it closes behind me. I somehow analyze the possibilities. My paranoia is now severe. Obsessive suicidal ideation takes over all of my senses. Another try at suicide and then another. Tell no one, it is the Silent Killer, get it done, I don't want to do it ... I am driven for an end. The other side of mania is depression and I subsist within from December to December. I dig deeper into the couch to survive. My psychiatrist mouths the word I cannot hear, "hospitalization." It is easy to cast off logic in illness. There was a time when suicidal failure was my greatest defeat, but suicide will take me no more.

A cool illness, Bipolar? This malady has been my nemesis, as well as, my partner for in illness I have experienced the extraordinary. I am not worse for the journey when I can look into the eyes of another and understand. I know now that wandering on a course without explanation will either weaken you or make you stronger. I refuse to be weak, I've lived the who I am.

Finally, being asymptomatic now means that LIFE IS LIKE A LINE. Neither too high or too low, I live on the line where stability is. Though a medication cocktail controls the switch that is unreachable, I am certain with any failure, I shall reboot.

Cynthia Sabotka is the author of "Life Is Like a Line: A Memoir of Moods, Medication, and Mania." Diagnosed at the age of 48, her intense memoir will propel you in the life Bipolar. Available: www.silverliningpublishing.com

Mankind Loses Brain Cells

2010-07-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

I feel like everyday mankind is losing more brain cells. Mankind ... what's up?

We live just outside of a small town on a two lane road. There are no sidewalks and the traffic is heavy. The traffic never used to be this bad but developers built subdivisions that surround us. Drivers coming to and fro don't give a damn about the homes or the occupants. As they drum past, charging their engines, there is no care for the walkers or bike riders, children or the elderly. I once believed that the speeding and the noise was the fault of those damn teen agers; I could hear their music, the pound pound of their bass. So one day I decided to sit on the porch and determine who the guilty actually was.

And as the truth paraded by, my heart began to pound and my rage worsened. My ADHD friend would say, "there go the Bastards" and he would laugh. But there is no laughter for me. Those pretty pick-up trucks and Cadillac's, I watch their cigarettes fling out of their moonroof window and think about tire spikes. Doesn't anybody care anymore?

Last night I took my little dog for a walk. As we rounded the corner, a dog bolted out of his yard but was stopped by his electric fence. I fell instantly into a physiological sweat and then an emotional rage. Everything happened so quickly. The dogs seemed determined and I could never tell if the opposing dog would break his barrier. I kept walking, trying to calm down my pet and breathe and then I saw the owner. He was an older man way up in his driveway leaning against the garage. Well dressed and carrying a cane I could do nothing but swear at him for his disregard for pedestrians happing by. Still pissed I gave him a piece of my mind. Too many, what my mother would consider, filthy words, slipped out of my mouth as I kept going. Just when I thought I couldn't get any hotter he assured me that the experience didn't kill me.

His apology would have been great. Doesn't anybody care anymore?

I wonder, is this the hypersensitivity of Bipolar that affects the life I live? Probably none of this would bother my husband ... Bastard.

Why your therapist is not your friend...

2010-07-14T06:11:00.000-07:00

People often develop a close relationship with their therapist. The two of them have been sitting in a room talking about very personal subjects - often once a week for for at least several weeks. Does this make them friends? Some people certainly expect that it does, but the therapist usually does not see it that way.

Psychotherapy is a one-sided relationship. The client opens-up and the therapist doesn't. This is necessary in order to focus on the client's problems exclusively. How can trust develop in such a one-sided relationship? Since the therapist doesn't reveal nearly as much as the client, the client has to trust that the conversations are truly confidential. Trust initially builds from this promise of confidentiality, and then grows as the therapist proves him or herself trustworthy.

Friendship, on the other hand, is inherently two-sided. In most relationships we open-up gradually as the other person also opens-up. As your friend I know many things about you and you know many things about me. We usually have shared experiences beyond sitting in a room talking.

Therapy can certainly be a "friendly" relationship, depending on the personalities involved and on the therapist's theoretical orientation. Some therapists, particularly psychoanalytic therapists, believe that they should not reveal anything about themselves to their client. This allows the client to project their own ideas onto the therapist and facilitates the "transference" of ideas and feelings that they have for other people in their lives (such as their father or mother) onto the therapist.

Other therapists are much more willing to disclose some details of their own life. This is how I do therapy, but I respect and understand the valid reasons for others to do things differently. I don't feel it necessary to be quite so secretive about my life; and I believe that people sometimes open-up more easily if they feel like they are talking to a real person. This approach might leave me at higher risk for people mistaking the relationship as a friendship. I do believe that it is possible to be professional and friendly at the same time, and this is the balance that I try to achieve.

Your therapist probably won't be your friend because that would create a "dual relationship." Dual relationships occur when people are in two very different types of relationships at the same time. Many dual relationships are unethical in therapy. It is unethical for a psychologist to treat a close friend or relative, for example. It is also unethical for a psychologist to have a sexual relationship with a client.

One of the difficulties with dual relationships is that a problem in one relationship (such as a friendship or sexual relationship) can then cause problems in the other relationship (the therapy relationship). If you are mad at me because I didn't attend your party it will be hard for you to open-up in therapy. In addition to being dual relationships, sexual relationships with clients exploit the power inherent in the one-sided nature of the therapy relationship. Such relationships are unethical on several grounds.

Can a friendship develop after therapy? While not common, it can happen. Ethical guidelines sometimes even frown on this. Some therapists have married former-clients, but current ethical guidelines (such as APA's Ethical Principles) often require several years to pass beforehand.

If you are currently in therapy, expect your therapist to be someone who is easy to talk to. If he or she is friendly, this may be an added bonus. Therapy is not the same as a friendship, however. By taking advantage of the personal and professional relationship that develops in therapy you will be better able to make the changes that you want to make in your life. (About.com)

B1POLAR Plate

2010-07-03T14:10:00.000-07:00

Today I received my new personalized license plate in the mail. It is personalized with the name of my illness: "B1POLAR" and I wear it proudly for the purpose of the opposites: stigma and advocacy.

Since others may stigmatize me because of the way I drive, I'm going to try some cognitive therapy. I don't know what cognitive therapy is really, so I'll consider my B1POLAR plate my Xanax or my Valium to alter my moves and I'll keep you posted ...

Pets and Wellness

2010-06-22T19:27:00.000-07:00

Here we are sitting on the porch. It's hotter than hell tonight but I'm better off than Charlie, poor guy. Dressed in full Havanese coat, he lay on the concrete, legs spread wide apart to catch a cool breeze. Normally, I would say that he was undignified but today he is pressed onto the concrete to feel and to forget. Charlie, poor guy, recently in the hands of the rubber glove gang. Neutered but not forgotten, he is checkin' out the chicks, chirping, chasing and nipping at my ankles more.

It is true that we are given the responsibility to care for God's animals in so many ways they cannot. Recently my psychiatrist shared with me the reason that I have Charlie and before she spoke, I flashed her that smirk. "Cindy" she begins "he is your rejection of suicide", now I'm thinking ... what crap ... I wait for her lecture to begin and hope it is short. But once I came to my senses, I could only acquiesce. My doctor is very in tune to my physical and mental conditions. Struggling for the past year, she hits the nail on the head.

Trial and error medications have not worked alone. My little dog brought to me a sense of fulfillment where appreciation comes from the smallest of acts. Strongly rejected by a parent for my lifetime, the companionship of my little dog is ... significant.

Finally, I have learned that without medications, I would not exist. For me, medications are strong and deliberate. Chemically, they hit the target when I allow them and even though they are potentially self-stigmatizing, I recommit. My doctor adds another to the mix and slowly it gives and it takes perfectly.

As for Charlie and me, well we're housebroken. He is the strong and non-silent type. On most days we go for walks and it feels good not to live the old solitary life. We flunked our first obedience class because it moved too fast for my Bipolar mind but we're at it once again. He wants to be a therapy dog. We both do.

No Title is Adequate

2010-06-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

Bipolar Disorder

It Is Madness ...

Truly

2010-06-15T05:39:00.000-07:00

2010-06-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

3.5.7.

2010-05-31T20:55:00.000-07:00

My dog is laying on the floor trying to eat his way through his leash. I am keeping him from his escape. I hold onto the loop. I throw him some toys. I decide when he is free.

I met a man with ADD. He married a Bipolar One woman. They lived their life as opposites. Twenty-four years worth. The man never saw his symptoms nor did he want too. She saw them, plain as day. His behavior would infuriate her. Symptoms or a manifestation of his personality, she didn't really know. Over the years, she began to shut down while he became defensive. Finally he admits something peculiar occurs but does not investigate. He does not attempt to medicate. He admits he will never make her happy. He is probably right.

The woman has an illness of her own and after almost ten years of therapy, struggles still. She medicates but finds little stability. There is trial and error as she consumes every chemical form. For her, life is a series of disappointments and depressions. She has madness and realizes that the illness keeps on taking its course. What keeps her from finding her pleasures? Her illness is heavy on their relationship. It is a burden. They share unkindness. She admits he will never make her happy. E.C.T. is on the table but she is game for the power of a C.E.G.

The dog ... I let him go but he walks in circles still.

Anonymous Messages

2010-02-18T06:07:00.000-08:00

Thank you to the losers who post anonymous messages on blogs.

Do you actually think anyone purchases any of your crap?

Get a life ... please.

What is Lethargy?

2009-11-03T16:40:00.000-08:00

The dictionary describes lethargy as sluggishness, inaction, tiredness and weariness and much more. To have lethargy is to lack energy and enthusiasm and I understand it because I am symptomatic of it right now.

Someone once told me to over look these symptoms and live in a field of positive energy. But there are situations where living in a positive field is very difficult. I am not saying that I will continue to live with this depressed level of functioning but for now it feels oddly comforting. It is good to be in this temporary hibernation for it makes smaller the ache. It is because of my husband's new job that I feel this emptiness and a lethargy within myself. A severe, nearly debilitating emptiness holds me instead. I am not sure the severity of this unattractiveness is the Bipolar that shares me, but my body temperature is cold with aloneness and the silence of the house deafens with every moment.

For many years I would fantasize that I would leave him. Grandiose and full of myself, 112# of me thought about the seduction with other men, with strangers, and friends. But into the arms of another I did not go, nor did I seek that stranger, nor desire him. Fortunately, at some point, I realized it was the condition of hypomania that would take me to that sexual place without my husband, and with medication I became a more affectionate me, and it was with a new warmth for my husband we became alive. Today lovers of years left behind, a wedge of time and space give us a temporary second chance and we are lost in the passion of a new relationship.

Still I am panic mode. They say the two years will pass quickly but I miss you already. I miss you desperately already. I miss you dreadfully already and you are seated next to me, next to me, right next to me. You will leave me in just 5 days.

Lessons in life. I have learned so many. I have had many thoughts but my wishes have never come true like I have envisioned. My wishes seem to be some sick morphed twisted metal of desire that reality never brings to view.

I will miss you my love... Thank God for telephones, and Skype, and email. I will fight felo-de-se while I wait for you. I will wait for you. I will fight this ill while I wait for you my Love. I will pretend to enjoy this life without you, please hurry home to me.

Okay, Why do I need these pills?

2009-10-25T13:04:00.000-07:00

I suppose I need these pills to:

Think without interference.

Speak with a stutter.

Have tics.

Stop being agitative.

Lose the sarcasm.

Hinder my creativity.

Reduce my anger.

Stay nice and sleepy.

Stop taking them when I feel cured.

Manage symptoms.

Keep away suicidal ideation.

Be drowsy.

Have a reason to see my psychiatrist.

Remember that I have an illness.

suicidal ideation

2009-10-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

Love

2009-10-15T11:11:00.001-07:00

"The Essence of Absolute Exposure of One's Self to Another" Quoted by Cynthia M. Sabotka

2009-10-12T18:01:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Men, Men, Men ... no that's not the name. Oh God, I can't remember things. Details, actors names, titles of movies or books or music. When did I start to forget music ... Oh God. I just asked my husband the name of this show, its Two and a Half Men. I used to hate this show, such a disgusting man based man man man show. Ugh!

So my husband changed the channel. I don't remember discussing the change but now we are watching a black and white show on the History channel about the murder of JFK. Its not that I don't want to watch this crap, but my husband watches this each and every night, except for Mad Men and some random others. I suppose this is why the IPod was developed. For wives I mean. For the men who watch black and white and the women who love them.

This bipolar thing ... I listen to iTunes loudly while computerizing. It seems that the louder my music the more I accomplish. Robert McCloskey quotes: "I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Now that is how I am thinking today. That is how I am thinking.

Mental Illness Awareness Week Winds Up

2009-10-11T08:19:00.001-07:00

Today is the day that marks the end of "Mental Illness Awareness Week." What is Mental Illness Awareness Week anyway? In 1990, the U.S. Congress established the first week of October as "Mental Illness Awareness Week" (MIAW) in recognition of National Alliance of Mental Illnesses efforts to raise mental illness awareness. Since 1990, mental health advocates across the country have joined together during the first week of October to celebrate.

Several issues come to mind during mental health week. Real recovery from mental illness requires community action, understanding and teamwork. Recovery is possible because of improved science, better community supports and reduced stigma. But significant barriers still exist. Services are at risk, insurance can be insufficient and stigma, though less today than when MIAW was founded, is still prevalent.

During mental illness week we are reminded of our vulnerability and the vulnerability of those we care for. There was a time when the concept of mental illness had no impact on me but because of stress and circumstance I understand. Hypomanic for a lifetime, Roman philosopher "Seneca" expresses it perfectly for me, "In the willing, Destiny guides them; the unwilling, Destiny drags them." Although I have been dragged, in the end, I have been given enough fervor to cope.

There has never been such an explosion of information regarding bipolar disorder but is it helping? Some people believe that the term bipolar disorder is a psychiatric "buzz" word used as an excuse for bad behavior, if you will. But I don't believe that. I don't believe that a bipolar patient desires to be bad, do you? I believe those who are purposely bad do it in spite of their illness and not because of it. Certainly episodic periods can bring on psychosis and in psychosis events can occur.

Unfortunately, there will be a shadow cast upon mankind as long as we reject each others color, illness, weight, physical attributes, language, religion, education and more. So do we have the power to control our destiny? Leo F. Buscaglia quotes, "I believe that you control your destiny, that you can be what you want to be. You can also stop and say, 'No, I won't do it, I won't behave his way anymore. I'm lonely and I need people around me, maybe I have to change my methods of behaving,' and then you do it."

This last day of "Mental Health Awareness Week" I challenge you my friends. Let's work to prevent stigma in our hearts. And if we can do it, lets tell others of the challenge. Start with what is important to you and keep mental illness in mind. Mental illness is in everyone's family, it touches your friends, it may affect your grandchildren, co-workers, your business.

I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: "The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." Albert Schweitzer.

Hypersexuality, Masturbation, and the Bipolar Woman

2009-09-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

I have wanted to write something on this subject for many years. After much research, I am saddened to report that this male dominated subject continues to circumvent women entirely.

Mayo Clinic describes masturbation as "compulsive sexual behavior." Compulsive sexual behavior - sometimes called hypersexuality is linked with nymphomania or sexual addiction. They add that this behavior, untreated can damage self-esteem, relationships, career and other people. But with treatment, a person can manage compulsive sexual behavior and keep their urges in check. Shame on Mayo Clinic for their missed opportunity to include this symptom as part of the spectrum disease of Bipolar Disorder.

How is this the subject of masturbation related to hypersexuality and the Bipolar woman? Hypersexuality is a symptom of mania and can place the Bipolar woman in a volatile position. In this mind state, a woman may want to go out and sleep with countless strangers. Flirtatious and needing sexual gratification it is risky business to meet someone online. One woman did just that, within two hours she was engaging in sex with a stranger and beaten to a pulp. If that doesn't keep you at home than nothing will. But there are sexually transmitted diseases to consider, as well as, unwanted drugs and random violence. The concept of masturbation, or sexual stimulation of one's self, has evolved through the years. This self pleasuring activity provides for the a safe haven where she is free from danger or disease. Of course, hypersexuality may be accompanied by other bipolar symptoms which may become destructive, therefore the sum of the symptoms should be evaluated by a psychiatric professional.

The history of masturbation and the affects of such an activity contain layers of misinformation dating back to 1712 where an anonymous doctor published a text entitled: "Onania"; or "The Heinous Sin of Self Pollution and all its Frightful Consequences." The text warned against the dangers of defiling your own body, and offered a series of cures. According to historian Thomas Laqueur's "Solitary Sex," one can trace much of hysteria and misinformation surrounding masturbation to this first work of FICTION masquerading as medicine. (About.com)

Strangely, Corn Flakes, Graham Cracker, and Other Anti-Masturbatory Devices (late 1800-early 1900) were dark days for masturbation. During this time both Corn Flakes and Graham Crackers were developed in a effort to curb masturbatory impulses in young boys (which were seen as leading to poor health, mental illness, and all manner of evil). Between 1856 and 1932 the U.S. Patent office approved 33 patents for "anti-masturbation" devices. These torture devices ranged from spiked rings to male chastity belts to electrifying devices that would be sufficient for "burning the flesh" causing great physical pain and possible mutilation. (About.com)

Finally in 1953, Alfred Kinsey's report on Sexual Behavior in the Human Female reflected personal interviews with nearly 6,000 women who shared information on anatomy, physiology, and sexual behavior. This research forever changed the way sexuality and masturbation were talked about in popular culture. The old joke that 98% of people masturbate and the other 2% are liars originated with the publication of data that showed masturbation to be a widespread, and likely the most common sexual behavior on the planet. Of the US population, 92% of men and 62% of woman have masturbated during their lifespan.

A Moment in Masturbation History: 1974 was one of "Breaking Free." Betty Dodson published, "Liberating Masturbation: A Meditation on Self Love." A call to action for all women, this book suggests that the ability to pleasure yourself on your own terms might transform your life.

In 1977 Joani Blank's opened the "Good Vibrations" store in the San Francisco Bay area. This store filled with information, vibrators, and more promoted healthy living and opened the door for dozens of sex stores across North America. Never embarrassed to talk about masturbation or sexual pleasure, it was the atmosphere of exploration ... solo or with partner at just the right time.

In 1994 the Surgeon General, Dr. Jocelyn Elder suggested that masturbation should become a comprehensive sex education topic in public schools. After acknowledging that masturbation is part of sexuality and therefore should be a part of the sexual health curriculum she was promptly fired by her boss, William Jefferson Clinton.

Not recognized by the government or any public institution, Jocelyn Elder and the Good Vibrations store have proclaimed May to be "National Masturbation Month." While it may be all about commercialism, it is an opportunity for adult discussion and understanding. Even after all these years, women reject the notion that this is positive human sexuality and that they will be healthier and a better partner for the knowing. Once considered a mans means of "release" no longer should women live with the stigma, preventing the opportunity for a more fulfilling life.

Researchers in mental health circles believe that masturbation can relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-worth (Healthline.com). According to J. Giles, "Archives of Sexual Behavior" there is no scientific evidence of any causative relationship between masturbation and any form of mental disorder, excessive or compulsive levels of sexual behavior is generally understood to be a symptom rather than a cause.

Fortunately, there are a few good internet sites that offer information about masturbation. I encourage every woman who has Bipolar disorder to understand what hypersexuality is and how to work through it. And remember, being properly medicated is the key.

References: About.com

http://sexuality.about.com/od/masturbation/p/masturbation_fx.htm

Dr. Ruth

http://www.drruth.com/content/view/1026/60/

Too Well - Still Bipolar

2009-09-20T12:12:00.000-07:00

It is difficult to select a theme for this post. Would it be frustrating? anxious? sad? I suppose it is all of that and more. Last week it would have been considered "a call for help". The truth is, I made a medical decision that has left me at the starting point once again instead of at the finish line. It is true that I am my own advocate but sometimes I am over zealous to my own demise.

My psychiatrist, quite patient I might add, watches me conduct experiments on myself. I am certain she is smirking when my back is turned because in hindsight the result is always the same. My brilliant idea to stop and decrease medications brings concern to her while I am filled with glee. She advises me against what is the obvious but I go against her just the same. She understands that medications separate me from disaster, but I am not a history buff. I easily forget what I must remember.

It is true that there are medications that I refuse to take. Side effects often take over and worsen the who I am. Oh yes, I can take the tremors and the long pauses between questions but I will not tolerate losing my hair or having it turn yellow. I cannot take the violent tics or insomnia. When my face is stiff and my mouth feels like it will not move I become afraid. Anxiety, a no-no and so is mind fog, confusion, and the numbness of emotions that is so constant and overwhelming.

Unfortunately, without a band-aid, this festering wound called bipolar disorder continues to worsen. Unprotected I am hypersensitive and withdrawn and distant. I am hypersexual and only interested in the power of it, the bottom line of it, and nothing more. Last week with obsessive suicidal ideation, I evaluated what I consider the means to an end. The end, this long haul of an illness that is absolute mind control, the end of the days and months and years of self-questioning and experimentation, the end to the aching desire for clarity, minus medications that only the wellness of health can provide.

So with appointment in place, I will soon face my experimental failure and she will know that I have reaffirmed her diagnosis once again. Having sampled from the tree of pharmaceuticals in every classification, we will discuss our eight year history and the trial and error process and what will come next. I will ask her about ECT and she will move me into another direction.

One would think that after all of this time I would understand this process of being "too well". Each time I take myself off medications I walk down this path of destruction and it is only after I hit bottom that I realize that each symptom, though one at a time, was leading me to something. Each time I risk my marriage and my well being while kidding myself into believing that I am cured, especially since I know there is no cure. So are these brain chemicals that trigger this pattern of behavior? or is it trickery propagated by a mentally contrived mind? Each time I experience this cycle, I forget my own history.

Bipolar disorder is like a simmering pot and medication is it’s cover. Without it, all that simmers beneath the surface may begin to boil harshly and when it does the chances for a burn, inevitable.

Cynthia is a public speaker and author of "Life Is Like a Line: A Memoir of Moods, Medication, and Mania" www.LifeIsLikeaLine.com

Memories on a Bipolar Mind

2009-09-19T11:13:00.000-07:00

"February Song"

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you, we will be together one day

Where is that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Please tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes ...

See Josh Groban perform this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0YzCM2qIvA&feature=youtube_gdata

Ned Beatty Shares a Bipolar Moment

2009-09-18T06:37:00.000-07:00

I've had this problem since I was in my 20s. They don't call it manic depression anymore. They call it a bipolar disorder, and I'm a Type 2.
Ned Beatty

Bipolar Challenges

2009-09-17T17:44:00.000-07:00

Titles waft but subjects flow in and out like waves in a powerful sea. And quite often thoughts that should be kept undercover ... are compelled to be shared.

Today a push but there is no where else on earth I'd rather be. So much of life has been left on someone else's door step, each day an abnormality.

Nine weeks, a breath of familiarity. I know what this is and while I allow history to repeat itself time and time again, I shake my head in a state of wonderment. And while the mind plays tricks, caution is cast to the wind and opportunity catches in a web of deceit.

Though sleep evades me now I will be refreshed, for pen and ink to paper soon will end my pain. And when obsession confronts what I know to be true, I will walk on it's coals to prevent myself from going any deeper.

Photography by Cynthia M. Sabotka

Location: Freeport in the Bahama's

Rename Stereotypical Words that Describe Mental Illnesses

2009-09-06T12:02:00.001-07:00

Do the terms "you're really crazy" or "I think she is nuts" bother you? Often we put labels on people and illnesses and mean no harm but labels become harmful just the same.

Words like "crazy," "cuckoo," "psycho," "wacko" and "nutso" are just a few examples of words that keep the stigma of mental illness alive. These words belittle and offend people with mental health problems. Just as we wouldn't mock someone for having a physical illness like cancer or heart disease, it is cruel to make fun of someone with a mental illness.

After reading a few health boards, I noticed a repetitive theme. The word "crazy" commonly referred to patients with Bipolar Disorder while the word "psycho" was used for the diagnosis of Schizophrenia. The commonality of these words led to me questions. Do these people have first hand experience with illnesses that relate to these words or are they just words of convenience or bad habit?

I suppose some might call the "renaming" of words a better avenue. I did find it interesting, however, that each dictionary I visited used the same theme. Here are some examples:

Apple Dictionary lists "crazy" (the adjective) as:

1. mentally deranged, esp. as manifested in a wild or aggressive way: Example: Stella went crazy and assaulted a visitor | a crazy grin.

extremely annoyed or angry: the noise they made was driving me crazy.

2. extremely enthusiastic: I'm crazy about Cindy | a football-crazy bunch of boys.

3. (of an angle) appearing absurdly our of place or in an unlikely position : the monument leaned at a crazy angle.

archaic (of a ship or building) full of cracks or flaws; unsound or shaky.

Noun (pl. -zies)

a mentally deranged person.

PHRASES

like crazy to a great degree: I was laughing like crazy.

The very popular Wikipedia lists crazy with insanity its first option. The definition: Insanity, craziness, or madness is a spectrum of behaviors characterized by certain abnormal mental or behavioral patterns.

Marsha Purse and Kimberly Read (About.com) believe the word "amplified" is better than crazy and I agree. They quote from a movie that takes place in the 60's, Girl Interrupted: "Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified."

Rita Mae Brown quotes: "Statistics show that one out of four people suffer from some type of mental illness. Look at you're three best friends ... if their alright ... than it's you!

So the next time your in a situation where "labeling" words seem to spill out, think before you speak. Life Is Like a Line. While you may feel level and centered today, tomorrow you may begin unraveling in chaos. Life is mysterious, you never know what you're going to get!

Life Is Like a Line: A Memoir of Moods, Medication, and Mania

2009-09-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

A Look Inside the Book

Chapter 14

Essential Elements

This was the turning point in my psychiatrist’s strategy. Perhaps this new kind of medication would be the answer to my prayers, but I didn’t like the tag that went with its success—the embarrassment of needing a psychiatrist, the monthly medications purchased at the local pharmacy where everybody knew your name, the stigma of the diagnosis that others would eventually come to know. I wanted to be a winner, but I didn’t want to be considered a loser as a result. For a chance at hopefulness, I listened and I learned and I decided to try it anyway. Once begun, I had to promise to take my medication as prescribed and be diligent to prevail. This was not an antidepressant drug per se but a mood-stabilizing medication designed to be effective enough to provide an antidepressant and anti-manic result as well. My doctor was hopeful this new medication would adjust the severity of my mood swings so they would decrease in frequency and harshness and all that looked like episodes resembling an illness would be reduced. Manic. Manic. I did not understand manic, or hypomanic, or anti-manic.

I did not understand any of it for a very long time. I have now spent several hundred hours learning about recurrences and brain function and stress management, and while I have hung on to every word, I have waited, if not a cure, then for symptomatic elimination.

Dr. Emil Kraepelin, a German psychiatrist who lived from 1856-1926,stated this: “Manic patients may transitorily appear not only sad and despairing, but also quiet and inhibited. A patient goes to be moody and inhibited, suddenly wakes up with a feeling as if a veil had been drawn away from his brain, passes the day in manic (excited) delight in work, and the next morning, exhausted and with a heavy head, he again finds in himself the whole misery of his state. Or the hypomanic exultant (jubilant) patient quite unexpectedly [makes] a serious attempt at suicide.” Though it all made sense, I drew a line in the sand. I decided a manic-depressive illness was too much and that my ill was more of a nervous breakdown. In spite of being poles apart from my doctor, I promised to follow her lead. Privately, I was convinced the patient was saner than the doctor, though I could not deny that every word from her lips made perfect sense.

An illness? Illness? Excuse me? You think what? You've got to be kidding. Hypo... Hypomania... Manic-depressive illness? M A N I C manic? Me? Are you sure...?

I drove home in the Corvette with the top down and the radio blasting, moving in and out of traffic and once I neared on hundred miles per hour, manic-depression didn't matter anymore. My spirits lifted when I was flying.

Desire and my automobile, an illusive combination. Later that day, in the comfort of my own garage, I watched as the door closed behind me. My silent obsessions began to take me. Tormented by my own self-determination, it was time, and while I waited for the fumes, I analyzed and I became confused and I changed my mind.

(If you would like to read more of LIFE IS LIKE A LINE, please click the Purchase tab to place your order).

Children and Mental Illness: Misbehavior or Misdiagnosis?

2009-08-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

I wonder about the diagnosis of children as it relates to mental unwellness. Does the word unwellness signify illness ... or is it something else? Often I think there is a rush to judgment on the part of parents. Could it be that the unruly child kicking and screaming in the main isle of the grocery store is merely having a temper tantrum? I remember listening to family stories," there he was screaming and kicking, face down in the woman's department, I was so embarrassed I could have just died!"

Perhaps there is too urgent a willingness to put a label on children because their behavior is something that seems incomprehensible. In the past 15 years it has become acceptable to label our children with a mental disorder. Some of the acronym's are ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), ODD(Oppositional Defiant Disorder), and now BPD (Bipolar Disorder). The remedy for these illnesses? Medicate the little buggers and wipe away our fears. In the face of poor behavior in children, I have seen worse in their parents.

About 20% of American children suffer from a diagnosable mental illness during a given year, according to the U.S. Surgeon General. Further, nearly 5 million American children and adolescents suffer from a serious mental illness (one that significantly interferes with their day-to-day life).

Which Mental Illnesses Are Most Common in Children?

Children can suffer from the following mental illnesses:

Anxiety disorders: Children with anxiety disorders respond to certain things or situations with fear and dread, as well as with physical signs of anxiety (nervousness), such as a rapid heartbeat and sweating.
Disruptive behavior disorders: Children with these disorders tend to defy rules and often are disruptive in structured environments, such as school.
Pervasive development disorders: Children with these disorders are confused in their thinking and generally have problems understanding the world around them.
Eating disorders: Eating disorders involve intense emotions and attitudes, as well as unusual behaviors, associated with weight and/or food.
Elimination disorders: These disorders affect behavior related to the elimination of body wastes (feces and urine).
Learning and communication disorders: Children with these disorders have problems storing and processing information, as well as relating their thoughts and ideas.
Affective (mood) disorders: These disorders involve persistent feelings of sadness and/or rapidly changing moods.
Schizophrenia: This is a serious disorder that involves distorted perceptions and thoughts.
Tic disorders: These disorders cause a person to perform repeated, sudden, involuntary and often meaningless movements and sounds, called tics.

Some of these illnesses, such as anxiety disorders, eating disorders, mood disorders, and schizophrenia, can occur in adults as well as children. Others, such as behavior and development disorders, elimination disorders, and learning and communication disorders, begin in childhood only, although they can continue into adulthood. In rare cases, tic disorders can develop in adults. It is not unusual for a child to have more than one disorder.

What Are the Symptoms of Mental Illness in Children?

Children's symptoms vary depending on the type of mental illness, but some of the general symptoms include:

Abuse of drugs and/or alcohol.
Inability to cope with daily problems and activities.
Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits.
Excessive complaints of physical ailments.
Defying authority, skipping school, stealing, or damaging property.
Intense fear of gaining weight.
Long-lasting negative moods, often accompanied by poor appetite and thoughts of death.
Frequent outbursts of anger.
Changes in school performance, such as poor grades despite good efforts.
Loss of interest in friends and activities they usually enjoy.
Significant increase in time spent alone.
Excessive worrying or anxiety.
Hyperactivity.
Hearing voices or seeing things that are not there (hallucinations).
Persistent nightmares or night terrors.
Persistent disobedience or aggressive behavior.
Frequent temper tantrums.

What Causes Mental Disorders in Children?

The exact cause of most mental disorders is not known, but research suggests that a combination of factors, including heredity, biology, psychological trauma and environmental stress, might be involved. Many behaviors that are seen as symptoms of mental disorders, such as shyness, anxiety (nervousness), strange eating habits and outbursts of temper, can occur as a normal part of a child's development. Behaviors become symptoms when they occur very often, last a long time, occur at an unusual age or cause significant disruption to the child's and/or family's life.

So how does a parent know ... illness or bad behavior? This can be tricky. Children experience many physical, mental and emotional changes as they progress through their natural growth and development. They also are in the process of learning how to cope with, adapt and relate to others and the world around them. In addition, each child matures at his or her own pace, and what is considered "normal" in children falls within a wide range of behavior and abilities. For these reasons, any diagnosis of a mental disorder must consider how well a child functions at home, within the family, at school and with peers, as well as the child's age and symptoms.

If symptoms are present, the doctor will begin an evaluation by performing a complete medical history and physical examination. Although there are no laboratory tests to specifically diagnose mental disorders, the doctor might use various diagnostic tests, such as X-rays and blood tests, to rule out physical illness or medication side effects as the cause of the symptoms.

If no physical illness is found, the child may be referred to a child and adolescent psychiatrist or psychologist, health care professionals who are specially trained to diagnose and treat mental illness in children and teens. Psychiatrists and psychologists use specially designed interview and assessment tools to evaluate a child for a mental disorder. The doctor bases his or her diagnosis on reports of the child's symptoms and his or her observation of the child's attitude and behavior. The doctor often must rely on reports from the child's parents, teachers and other adults because children often have trouble explaining their problems or understanding their symptoms. The doctor then determines if the child's symptoms point to a specific mental disorder.

Mental disorders are like many medical disorders, such as diabetes or heart disease, that require ongoing treatment. Although much progress has been made in the treatment of adults with mental disorders, the treatment of children is not as well understood. Experts are still exploring which treatments work best for which conditions in children. For now, many of the treatment options used for children, including many medications, are the same as those used in adults but with different dosing. The most common treatment options used include: Medication, Psychotherapy, and often Play Therapy.

What Is the Outlook for Children With Mental Disorders?

Without treatment, many mental disorders can continue into adulthood and lead to problems in all areas of the person's adult life. People with untreated mental disorders are at high risk for many problems, including alcohol or drug abuse, and violent or self-destructive behavior, even suicide.

When treated appropriately and early, many children can fully recover from their mental disorder or successfully control their symptoms. Although some children become disabled adults because of a chronic or severe disorder, many people who experience a mental illness are able to live full and productive lives.

About Me

When I was a child, I was surrounded by mental unwellness. Finally after living unprotected for 48 years, mania stopped me in my tracks and in hypergraphia I wrote the following (excerpt) from my book about children, relationships, and mental health, “Life Is Like a Line: A Memoir of Moods, Medication, and Mania:” “Standing in front of my seemingly one-dimensional mirror, I am not alone. Bipolar Disorder makes me eager to know the genetics that will never be identified, but I perceive the ghosts of heredity that live within me. A small child fits into my form. I know her dimples. She walks in the shade of anxiety and depression, genetic characteristics that are mine. There are others inside of me. They are shadowy figures of sizes and sexes that are unidentified, but I sense our strong connection. It is my heredity. Today as I sit on her little couch (ref: psychiatrist) in front of her, I hold my head in my hands and she begins. I am not eager to expose myself … while I struggle to connect the dots, she speaks. My mind wanders, psychiatrist mine … mine? I never saw it coming, any of this. My constant thought: be careful with the life of your child. Chaos, stress, turmoil, are detrimental. Living is all about love. This (mania) is the illness of dark energy. This illness is an invasion of everything that ever was or could have been, but I see now, I see what this is and what I have become. I am not a wannabe, nor am I a stigma.

I am.”

Cynthia M. Sabotka is a public speaker and author of a book titled, “Life Is Like a Line: A Memoir of Moods, Medication, and Mania. You may reach her at www(dot)LifeIsLikeaLine(dot)com.

Excerpt from WebMD.

Depression or Bipolar Disorder?

2009-08-26T19:37:00.000-07:00

Indicators that your Depression is Really Bipolar Disorder

You’ve experienced repeated episodes of major depression.

You had your first episode of major depression before age 25.

You have a first-degree relative with bipolar disorder.

When you’re not depressed, your mood and energy levels are higher than most people’s.

When you’re depressed, you oversleep and overeat.

Your episodes of major depression are short (less than 3 months)

You’ve lost contact with reality while depressed.

You’ve had postpartum depression before.

You’ve developed mania or hypomania while taking an antidepressant.

Your antidepressant stopped working after several months.

You’ve tried 3 or more antidepressants without success.

HelpGuide.org offers comprehensive information on depression and bipolar disorder.
For more information please visit: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_diagnosis_treatment.htm

What Is Sychrodestiny?

2009-07-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

Interpretation happens at the level of the mind, but it is our individual souls that are conditioned by experience, and through that memory of past experience the soul influences our choices and interpretations in life.

These tiny kernels or seeds of memory build up in the individual soul over a lifetime, and this combination of memory and imagination based on experience is called karma.

Karma accumulates in the personal part of the soul, the wave at the core of our being, and colors it. This personal soul governs the conscience and provides a template for the kind of person each of us will turn out to be. In addition, the actions we take can affect this personal soul, and change our karma, for better or worse.

The universal, non-local part of the soul is not touched by our actions, but is connected to a spirit that is pure and unchanging. In fact, the definition of enlightenment is “the recognition that I am an infinite being seeing and seen from, observing and observed from, a particular and localized point of view.”

Whatever else we are, no matter how much of a mess we may have made of our lives, it is always possible to tap into the part of the soul that is universal, the infinite field of pure potential, and change the course of our destiny.

So the seeds of memory built by experience, our karma, help determine who we are. But the individuality of our personal soul is shaped by more than karma; our relationships also play an important role in the construction of the soul.

Adapted from The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press).

When Life Brings Ahhhhh

2009-07-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

A Twitter friend of mine recently wrote about her love of street-side cafes where she can enjoy her husband's company, a libation, and the street "theater" that unfolds before her eyes.

Although our town does not offer such possibilities, her words brought a smile to my face for I remember wonderful Paris and the numerous street-side cafes. The photograph above was taken just after our arrival. As I captured the bubbles, I knew that I was falling in love. For street-side brought peace and comic relief and without a care in the world, we watched the world went by.

Bipolar Sleep

2009-07-17T16:43:00.000-07:00

It has been a week since I have blogged. Although I want to, I haven't been able to and believe me - I have tried. My days of writing are filled with false starts and deletions. If I had to do this on paper, I would have piles of litter gathered in a basket day after day after day. It seems the best time for me to write is while driving. Words flow in and out as I write in my head. Unfortunately, subjects never tiptoe about nor do they stay. They sort of take me over and if they are not captured they become a part of the land of the forgotten. On that perfect day when feelings are attached to my thoughts, I am a success. Without them, I can do nothing at all.

This has been a mentally fluctuating week. Sleep does not come easily because my psychiatrist discontinued my sleep medication. She believes this is a necessary termination but I am not ready to face the withdrawal. There is no doubt that my circadian rhythm needs to be reset (the body's 24 hour time clock) and sleeping medication prohibits the body from doing it's own work. The irony of sleeping pills is that they don't work for me in the way they once did. The best sleeping pill would put me to sleep and keep me there. I wouldn't cause me to sleep walk nor would it blur my memory. In a perfect world, we would sleep like babies wouldn't we? For pills are all I know and without them I fear a lifetime of awakenings. In a state that is neither sleeping or awake, I dream in vignettes, and wake on the hour to frustration and fear.

Without adequate sleep my bipolar symptoms come alive. I seem to be moving toward mixed states, which is an illness within an illness. Mixed states is experiencing both poles, the mania and the depression at the same time. Although my symptoms are minimal, I must be careful for they will accelerate without too much fuel. For now the fuel is a change in my sleep pattern, which is huge for a bipolar patient. Co-morbid conditions such as obsessive-compulsiveness, panic disorder and anxiety can bring a pile of trouble along with rapid cycling (mood shifts within a 24-48 hour period) which can bring challenges when the unpleasantness comes alive.

Today my response to a situation made me recognize my potentially escalating condition. The scene is set. I am returning some items at the store and wait for a woman to pull out of her parking spot. She moves away and before I know it some dude in a broken down van is pulling into my spot in front of me. Hey buddy, that's mine! He turns off his engine and begins to open his door. I am in a rage, I am chastising him and I am prepared for battle. I am out of my car. I question his Christianity. Finally, quite embarrassed he admits defeat. He pulls out of the space and it is mine ... all mine. Heart pounding, hands shaking, I know what this is ... the energy. And if I don't get it under control it will become the demon that hides under my skin ... the energy I do not wish to know. The bipolar mania energy. The energy of darkness.

Immortal are We?

2009-07-07T14:20:00.000-07:00

I am presently riding my stationery bike. I don’t want to. Exercise is very difficult for me. I would rather do a half-a-million other things instead of this (except maybe the washing of windows). Perhaps I am lazy, but here I am, attempting to tweak myself one layer at a time.

Just before my ride I watched a few moments of the the memorial service for Michael Jackson. Saddened by the passing of one who had so much to give, I was reminded that his ultimate demise was due to that “self-inflicted” wound. Many of us are guilty of such behavior. Sometimes we are abusive eaters. Too many libations destroy brain cells. Openly we draw in that smoke, sweet or otherwise. While we over medicate and under-exercise we hardly notice that the time is passing and in jeopardy we are immortal ... or are we?

There will always be controversy over the “King of Pop” but what he accomplished few will ever replicate. His life was soiled by familial dysfunction and greedy handlers and in the end he was a soul diluted and a spirit sowing the seeds of his own demise.

At the end of the day mine is of analysis. Was this "life" a vessel to change our path or a man spinning out of control? Perhaps his greatest gifts were not the music or the moon walk but the love and the lessons that he left behind.

"Overcoming"

2009-06-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

Overcome: To succeed in dealing with a problem or difficulty.

I am working on "Overcoming" for in my nature this loss can paralyze me. Here are 5 simple ways that I will attempt to overcome. To further assist in my enjoyment of life and to stop the cycle of depression in my loss, I promise to:

* Be grateful for what I have and what I have had.

* Slow down. Life is never better in a blur.

* Don't just eat my meal ... taste it!

* Be positive, replace bad thoughts with good.

* Get outside and appreciate the environment.

The above is just a fraction of what we can do to Live and not just exist. The following is a list of ideas, reminders really, that we must continue to find ways to experience the best of life, not merely the crumbs of auto-pilot.

* Love - Perhaps the most important of all.
* Create a Morning Ritual - Wake early and greet the day. Watch the sunrise, which is a gift. Stretch or meditate, exercise as part of your ritual.
* Take Chances - Don't live to cautiously. Don't worry about what might go wrong. Be bold!
* Follow Excitement - Do things that excite you, with quiet times in between.
* Find Your Passion - Find something you love to do. You only live once.
* Get Out of Your Cubicle - If you sit in front of a computer, take a break.
* Turn off the TV - Read a book, give yourself a break.
* Travel - What a wonderful way to enjoy life.
* Rediscover What's Important - Make a list of what you enjoy or want to do. Focus on the things that matter.
* Exercise - Get up and get going.
* Open Your Heart - If you have a problem with this, speak with a professional
* Face Your Fears - What are you afraid of? Face it and be free.
* When You Suffer, Suffer - Life is not all fun and games. We love our lovers, our parents, our pets. When you feel pain intensely - grieve. This is a part of life and after it, there will be joy.
* Touch Humanity - Get out of the house. Speak with the neighbors. Get involved.
* Volunteer - Help the homeless, be compassionate.
* Talk to the Elderly - There are assisted living and nursing homes filled with lonely hearts. Share yours.
* Learn New Skills - Constantly improve yourself to prevent standing still or worse.
* Find Spirituality - Whether this means God or Jesus, Aliah or Buddha, rediscover faith and it's power.
* Enjoy an Awesome Dessert - Banana split's, chocolate soda's whatever you desire, enjoy.
* Try Something New, Every Week - As yourself what new thing can I learn? What can I do?
* Life In The Moment - Don't Regret. Think about right now and keep the focus there.

Day One

2009-06-14T13:31:00.000-07:00

Day one without her, Sophie.

I am working through my emotions. "She was not just a dog". She was my dog, and if, in your heart you have experienced the joy of having a pet then you know.

Perhaps I weep for something else. Another psychiatric appointment to toss about all that I feel and to delve into what lies so deep within. A pet fills in the blanks of life and for me, holes in an aching heart.

We have all experienced loss. "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live." (Norman Cousins-American Essayist). So every day I will work at it. I will remember the good and not allow self-pity to become me.

Good Bye My Little Girl

2009-06-13T07:38:00.000-07:00

No --- it can't be manic-depression. I understand the human side of this illness but this is something way out of my league. Could this be panic attacks? Anxiety? This is about my canine buddy, my Westie, my friend. Her name is Sophie and today my pain is immense.

She was three months old when we got her and that was four months ago. She was robust and she came to me automatically, she was naturally mine. We went to puppy class, she could jump through the hoops and loved agility. It was something we did together. We drove 35 miles one way to do so. She was definitely my dog. I cleaned up her poop, and washed her paws. She would run through the house like a wild woman. It was plain fun to watch her. We played catch. I bought her toys. My husband loved her too. She was full of energy and loved when I would scratch my face against hers.

Sophie had big brown eyes and a black nose. Her hair was as white as the driven snow. She was just getting in her adult coat. When you picked her up she would roll over to let you scratch her belly. She was very trusting to the touch.

Three days ago she began acting strangely. Symptoms began to occur. Whining and crying for no reason, she also shook like a leaf. She was filled with anxiety and panic. Her behavior was random but increasing and she was almost ... psychotic. We could not control her and it was upsetting to watch her go through this. Running through the house, she would scratch on the walls and doors to make her escape but for her there was no where to go.

Last night she didn't sleep and nor did I. Her eyes were fixed, no blinking. She began drooling and acting skitzy. At intervals unknown, she would attempt to escape from her crate. Smashing left and right she would whine and moan. My heart was breaking for her.

We rushed Sophie to the veterinary hospital and the doctor examined her thoroughly. She was symptomatic in the room. My husband read off her behavior from a paper we composed. The doctor examined carefully. He came in and out. Finally he gave us the diagnosis. I could have never imagined his words. My heart breaks as he tells us. Sophie looks back at me. This is the first time she has been calm. I am beginning to have the dry heaves.

Sophie's diagnosis: distemper. She was ill from the start. She never had a chance though I purchased her from a "reputable" Westie breeder in Ann Arbor, MI.

In the exam room the decision had to be made. I held her and hugged her. I told her that I loved her and I let them take her away. With her there was a kind of love I can never explain, but it was real and I felt it. Tonight my heart is breaking and I am ill from our loss. I will miss you Sophie. You were a wonderful little girl.

Shooting Blanks

2009-04-09T17:16:00.000-07:00

I drive all the way home, I know my subject and my words are perfect for my blog. I arrive and I am still as bright as the Northern star. I bring my groceries in. I put them away and I am seated in front of my Mac. I open my blogger site and the phone rings, a 1-800 number interrupts. I return to the screen and my mind has become as blank as the page. I am like static on the T.V. I realize I am angry and frustrated and I am angry some more. The truth is that medications fix me and ruin me again. Medications are still a trade off.

Contrary to popular belief, bipolar disorder is not a glamorous illness. Perhaps it has been given to glamorous people but it has come to me late in life and I am not used to the clamor of it. Coming to me at 48 was offensive and unbelievable. I fight with it every day. This illness is a state of mind more than I have ever had and less than I could have ever known.

American Writer, Rita Mae Brown quotes (b.1944 still alive), “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.” Well, isn't that insulting! I don't know where quotes come from anyway. My quote is "Some quotes are bull-shit." I believe the statistics currently are 1 in 17 people or the equivalent of 5.7 million Americans suffer (with a serious mental illness) and that is nothing to laugh at.

So what does that mean for me, for you. Will my anger ever escape me? Am I the only one? I don't know. I just don't know. Only time will tell.

L.i.v.e.

2009-03-30T16:21:00.000-07:00

Carl Jung

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

Aeschylus

There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.

John Milton

The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.

Cynthia Sabotka

Medication quiets the tone of life. Life should never be a whisper. I want to holler from the roof tops and dance until dawn. I want to feel sensual and laugh for no reason. I want to live again, I want to live.

Samuel Johnson

The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope.

Doggie's Just Bonding

2009-03-25T18:11:00.001-07:00

Our new puppy brings a new meaning to "living." Before her, I thought I had loneliness. My day to day has been filled with the same routine and a sort of emptiness. Enter the notion that a dog would fulfill that "something" that was missing. Now in an effort to house train completely, a spoiled Westie runs me ragged. She rings the bell every 10 minutes to go "out." What is this out thing, dog? Out is the opportunity to do her job and bond with me, not necessarily in that order. I walk around in her circles, avoiding her previous duty, while she sniffs out just the right spot. We are back in the house and I continue to do my work. She waits too long ... five minutes and she's ringing the bell to bond once again. God, Sophie - what is the deal? I don't yell at her though she is pushing my buttons. I am guilty for what I am thinking. Urinary tract infection says the vet. Damn, Sophie - I just thought we were bonding.

Good Mental Daze

2009-03-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

I love the long days. The warm nights. I love the sun blazing through the window. I love a dark sky filled with stars. A hardy laugh.

I love the way the blanket falls upon my silhouette, so light but so dutiful. I love the perception of a long night. I love the depth of R.E.M. I love to dream and to remember. I love the smell of lumber in new construction. The first bite of a coney dog, bar cola. I love to drive fast with the top down. I love a great hair cut. I love to talk to strangers about mental health, about themselves, about my book. Sadly, I am gloomy too often but lucky enough to forget.

When I am well, I am conscious of life's gifts on a different level. On good days I sense life, acutely. Frogs in Spring, a symphony with a splash. Water bubbling on the lake, quietly effervescent and ahh the rustling of the leaves as they speak back. A crackling fire entices, I like to smell the smoke. I go back with the smell, way back, home.

As I chat with my psychiatrist, we are interrupted by the loudness of a tic. It is her tiny clock. We laugh, could it be a sign? It is just the half hour, for six years silent, it speaks.

There is much to this life, much to forget in the bad times. Little to appreciate. Conversely, all will be remembered. When I am well I see life through my minds eye. The details are fleeting. Each time my chemistry changes I am looking through a screen door once again and I am on another cycle. A balancing act of the wells I suppose. I am full and I am empty and I am somewhere in between again.

Today I will gravitate toward the well of life and be full.

Say What?

2009-03-15T17:56:00.000-07:00

My sister used to say, "life sucks and then you die." I never believed her.

I like to sleep in the morning. I like to stay up late at night. Meds prevent it, besides the river of life flows the other way.

Six days off just one medication, I forgot. It matters.

For all the hell that life can bring, there is Spring.

My book brings insight to others, the truth is filling and I am full.

I like to drive fast - period.

I love to watch The Shield, Law and Order (all of them), The Closer, Saving Grace, Breaking Bad, and How Do They Do It? (History Channel). I wonder if there's a pattern here?

Right now I am craving a banana split.

I greatly miss my father R.I.P. 3.8.01

Life According to Buddha

2009-03-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

Every living being has the same basic wish – to be happy and to avoid suffering. Even newborn babies, animals, and insects have this wish. It has been our main wish since beginningless time and it is with us all the time, even during our sleep.

We spend our whole life working hard to fulfill this wish. Since this world evolved, human beings have spent much time and energy improving external conditions in their search for happiness and a solution to their many problems. What has been the result? Instead of their wishes being fulfilled, human suffering has continued to increase while the experience of happiness and peace is decreasing. This clearly shows that we need to find a true method for gaining pure happiness and freedom from misery.

When things go wrong in our life and we encounter difficult situations we tend to regard the situation itself as the problem, but in reality whatever problems we experience come from the side of the mind. If we were to respond to difficult situations with a positive or peaceful mind they would not be problems for us; indeed we may even come to regard them as challenges or opportunities for growth and development. Problems arise only if we respond to difficulties with a negative state of mind. Therefore, if we want to be free from problems we must learn to control our mind. For more visit www.aboutbuddha.org. Peace.

What Is Advocacy?

2009-02-28T17:34:00.000-08:00

Advocacy is a means of supporting and helping people to speak up or act for themselves. The key aims of mental health advocacy are to empower people who use mental health services and to protect their rights as citizens by helping them to get their views across. Empowerment is an essential aspect of advocacy. It supports and promotes people's rights to speak and act for themselves and to regain some control over their lives. Advocacy is different from advice in that advice work is concerned with information and advocacy is concerned essentially with support although clearly advocacy will involve some information and advice will involve some element of support.

Be an advocate ... please, whatever the cause.

Become a Grass Roots Advocate

2009-02-28T17:14:00.000-08:00

If you’re dealing with mental illness yourself or with a family member, friend, or colleague, you’re probably already playing the role of mental health advocate. Every time you spread the word about mental illness and teach someone else what you know about it, you make it a more acceptable topic of conversation. Every time you mobilize services for you or your loved one, despite tremendous roadblocks within the mental health system and despite the stigma and resistance in the wider community, you are practicing grass roots advocacy. If you are ready to do even more, consider taking on an active role in mental health legislation by becoming a grass-roots lobbyist for the cause.

A grass-roots lobbyist is an advocate in their community. Here are eight steps to be an effective advocate:

* Identify your allies.
* Do your research.
* Email legislators in your district. Very convenient.
* Write Letters. It is most effective.
* Phone Calls. Issue should be simple.
* Attend meetings. Convey your message face-to-face.
* Establish relationship with local support groups and agencies.
* Establish contact with the media (generally the editor).

What Have I Done?

2009-02-27T07:20:00.000-08:00

Life in wellness ... what does that mean? Wellness is by far many things to many people. What is it to me? With Bipolar it means many things. Last week it meant the stabilization of medication with the addition of Risperdal and the complete success of my psychiatric cocktail (LOL). Wellness truly is the complete success of medication. Like cancer to a patient, not just remission but recovery is where life begins.

This week there was desire of a different kind. Everyone experiences it at one time or another. Example: You drive past the car dealership. There is your favorite brand, the new model in just the right color has arrived. The price is right. You have seen their pictures. Maybe you will get behind the wheel, perhaps admire from afar but before long you realize, you've been without far too long!

This week, I was intent, focused. I would be this particular breed, they are white by nature and about twelve to fifteen pounds. She is of Scottish heritage. She is a West Highland Terrier (a Westie). Having lost my dog to cancer almost three years ago, I have pined for another. I found a breeder near Ann Arbor and it was love at first sight. After signing the papers, we brought her home. She is a puppy. She follows me. She comes when she called. She is smart. Out of the doldrums, I am alive again. She wakes me and gives me new reason. I have purpose and in purpose and chemistry, the wellness of my mind, of my body, and of my soul has once again returned.

On the second day I panicked, purpose and chemistry bull ... what have I done?

The Cemetery Day

2009-02-27T06:32:00.001-08:00

My last entry was on the evening of my father's birthday. Getting past that day was easier than I originally thought it would be. We planned a visit to the cemetery. When we arrived at the grave, we noticed the blankets were windswept and rolling away in the wind; my sister and I dug in the mud to replace the wires that held them so tightly in place. We began to tidy up the site; it was cemetery work, something these sisters had never done before. My mother, edgy and irritated, offered tension but we fought through it. Still, I am numb at the site of my fathers headstone. My brother was the needy one. While we stand over his grave we remember, it is he she loved the best.

Next came lunch and it was the standard fare. Mostly sizzle and not too much steak, we enjoyed the view as we sat along the water. I remember wanting to throw my brother in that river back in the day, but time has moved us in a different direction now.

Having shared the day with my mother and my sister made all that was painful, less. At the end of the day, I was reminded that family, no matter how difficult, is important in so many ways. Mentally, spiritually, physically - it was a good day.

It's been weeks since I've seen my psychiatrist. I have experienced a medication change and my bipolar seems to be in remission or even recovery. I am better overall and that's what counts. One step in front of the other, that's how I live now, one step in front of the other.

2009-02-21T16:22:00.000-08:00

There is no doubt that life is change, but I don't like it. I lost my "six pounds of a woman's best friend" many years ago and as I contemplate another "friend" I wonder if I am ready. Pets are a major commitment but when you need a companion they fulfill. So I will think and think some more ... until I decide.

Book Follows Genetics of Bipolar

2009-02-18T18:57:00.000-08:00

Please visit my website, "Life Is Like a Line: A Memoir of Moods, Medication, and Mania" at http://LifeIsLikeaLine.com for the story of our family and our struggle to overcome mental illness and my own bipolar disorder. See you there! Cynthia

Happy 90th Birthday Dad!

2009-02-18T17:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Dad! I still miss you.

Eight years have passed and still I wait for the telephone to ring just one more time. Just one more "hello honey" from the voice of calm and kindness, from the one I wanted to be most like, from the one who truly loved me.

My dad was a generous, driven, and educated man with a changeable disposition. He had a once popular "type A" personality and he was as sharp as a tack, knowing what was necessary and mysterious in just the right places. Superstitious, drop a fork and if its pointing at the door, company was coming over. Generous, he gave to the homeless and to others in need and at his funeral it was easy to see what a mark he made in his lifetime. Stories told, tears streaming from the eyes of the lives he left behind, Happy Birthday Dad, I love you.

True Love

2009-02-14T19:16:00.000-08:00

It is the evening of Valentine's Day. I spent the day with my mother and we had wonderful "mother and daughter" time. In my book, "Life Is Like a Line," I expose the truth about my family, my parents, their dysfunction and the unequal distribution of their love but in my heart there is forgiveness.

I have learned that Valentine's Day should not become a day of candy and diamonds alone. This is the day of Love. Whether it be of fondness or devotion, it should include forgiveness, compassion and goodwill. And of course, alittle romance!

Ruin Your Health with the Obama Plan

2009-02-11T18:17:00.000-08:00

Obama tells you it's going to hurt and every one will share in the pain. Well, he isn't kidding. If you are the aging of America ... here's what they have in mind for you. Remember politicians in office have their own health care so this plan does not apply to them.

Note: If you don't like what you are about to read, I urge you to contact your local politician.

The stimulus bill has medical legislation. Tragically, no one from either party is objecting to the health provisions slipped in without discussion. Senators should read these provisions and vote against them because they are dangerous to your health. These provisions reflect the handiwork of Tom Daschle, until recently the nominee to head the Health and Human Services Department. Called the Federal Coordinating Council for Comparative Effectiveness Research (190-192) the goal, (as Tom Daschle’s book explained), is to slow the development and use of new medications and technologies because they are driving up costs. He praises Europeans for being more willing to accept “hopeless diagnoses” and “forgo experimental treatments,” and he chastises Americans for expecting too much from the health-care system (Bloomberg 2-11-09).

The bill’s health rules will affect “every individual in the United States” (445, 454, 479). Your medical treatments will be tracked electronically by a federal system.

Medicare now pays for treatments deemed safe and effective. The stimulus bill would change that and apply a cost- effectiveness standard set by the Federal Council.

But the bill goes further. One new bureaucracy, the National Coordinator of Health Information Technology, will monitor treatments to make sure your doctor is doing what the federal government deems appropriate and cost effective. The goal is to reduce costs and “guide” your doctor’s decisions (442, 446). These provisions in the stimulus bill are virtually identical to what Daschle prescribed in his 2008 book. According to Daschle, doctors have to give up autonomy and “learn to operate less like solo practitioners.”

Already pressing into socialism, please ... time is of the essence

The Pain of Stress

2009-02-09T16:36:00.000-08:00

The pain of my stress does not naturally leave me. So finally, I drove myself to the chiropractor. I didn't want to get dressed and go today. Ugh. It has a long time since I have seen him but as my stress increases I become paralyzed and I am forced to succumb. We make eye contact and I am taken by his smiling face. It appears as if he hasn't a care in the world. His office is open with natural light. The rock and roll music sounds loudly in the background. It is easy to get lost in the noise. I sit with the other patients and wait my turn. The T.V. is off so I play something in my head. Damn, they file in and out.

At some point in my life, I thought that I should have been a chiropractor. Of course, I should have been a lawyer too. I told my shrink that once and she laughed. Neither career choices would be acceptable with my specific personality but it's fun to wonder. Four cracks please, that will be $125! or I'd sue everyone that crosses a bad path ...

So, today he cracked me up in his usual way and the intensity of my pain was relieved. Created by my tension and stress, the tight rubber bands known as my nerves were calmed by his manipulation and my bones seemed to be replaced. When one suffers, there is no dollar amount placed on the importance of its cure.

I suppose the money for the visit was worth it. I only wish that my mental health was treated in the same way. I only wish that the insurance community would cease to punish me for an illness I did not create .

Mental Health ... a Joke?

2009-02-08T07:26:00.000-08:00

Mental health is not a joke and certainly nothing to laugh about but there is something to laughter. Laughter is said to be the best medicine and it helps us to cope. Here is an example:

Loud, Mad, or Sad

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Thanks Blue Cross Blue Shield

2009-02-06T18:18:00.000-08:00

My Blue Cross-Blue Shield health insurance was recently canceled because my lifetime contract of mental health visits were exhausted. I used all of the designated 120 visits in a 5 year period. Now can you imagine being a heart, cancer or a diabetic patient and having your insurance canceled? I believe they would riot in the streets.

Plainly ... there is no "meeting of the mind." Medically and politically, the mind is a disposable organ designed to fill a void in the head, period. For me, I cannot be more upset and alarmed.

We cannot live as an island unto our selves. We must fight for our rights and for medical equality ... and we must do it now!

For Sure

2009-01-31T07:51:00.000-08:00

Experiencing unwellness is most disconcerting. Today I refuse to be bipolar. I have been dwelling on this illness for 8 years. It has attached itself to me and I have analyzed, and editorialized, and been mesmerized by it. This lifelong illness, fearless and bold attempts to devour me. Carrie Fisher puts it in prospective, "I'm fine, but I'm bipolar. I'm on seven medications, and I take medication three times a day. This constantly puts me in touch with the illness I have. I'm never quite allowed to be free of that for a day. It's like being a diabetic. " And my thoughts? I will take my medication as I must, but I will not recognize the illness today and it will not consume me.

Can It ...

2009-01-30T18:40:00.000-08:00

They say life is but a bowl of cherries ... pity us!

Medication Thinker

2009-01-30T18:32:00.001-08:00

I am on medication. Often I cannot think and my creativity is lost in the frey. I want to choose between the meds and the mind but the answer is plain. I have no choice, damn.

Stems and Pitts

2009-01-30T18:26:00.000-08:00

Life is just a bowl of cherries ... pitty us

Science News

2009-01-29T16:41:00.000-08:00

Science Daily reports that a researcher from the University of the West of England was inspired by her own nightmares and a chance encounter at a lecture to examine more closely the stuff that dreams are made of. Her PhD study has focused on an astounding discovery that women suffer more nightmares then men. Perhaps we're dreaming about them ...

2008-02-09T04:42:00.000-08:00

Today, everyone is talking about Britney Spears and the possible illness she may have. Yes, the drama has brought the subject of manic-depression (i.e. Bipolar Disorder) ,to the forefront. But unfortunately, the mania that she exhibits is not explained as such, therefore she is looked upon as an irresponsible fool. I would hope that if she becomes diagnosed with bipolar disorder, the media report with responsibility her true condition so as to reduce the stigma of mental illness which often causes heartache and pain in those who are afflicted.

And what would I say to Britney if I could be with her now?? God bless you girl, this is one killer disease.

Welcome

2007-10-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

This is the opening post of my blog. I have recently completed a memoir Life Is Like A Line which is a story about a woman who is struck with Bipolar Disorder at the age of 48. Within this community we will be discussing the book (in book stores Spring 2008), as well as, how mental illness affects individuals and their families.

This is your community and we are stigma free.

So I am wondering...Can anyone relate to the struggles of a mental illness and the day to day grind of its symptoms?